


laughing till our ribs get tough (that will never be enough)

by the wanderer (a_sentimental_man)



Series: inevitability [1]
Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Catra (She-Ra) Redemption, Eventual Happy Ending, F/F, Fluff, Mutual Pining, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, POC Adora, POV Adora (She-Ra), Retelling
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-02
Updated: 2020-08-19
Packaged: 2021-03-05 01:41:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 27,628
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25036402
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/a_sentimental_man/pseuds/the%20wanderer
Summary: They didn't know what Soulmates were, at first.Noneof them knew; even Catra, who pretended she knew everything, couldn't contain her curiosity when Kyle woke up on his thirteenth birthday and gaped at Rogelio as if he had seen a ghost.Catra and Adora are soulmates who can share their thoughts and feelings with each other. It goes as well as can be expected.
Relationships: Adora/Catra (She-Ra), Bow/Glimmer (She-Ra), Kyle/Rogelio (She-Ra), Perfuma/Scorpia (She-Ra)
Series: inevitability [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1875286
Comments: 95
Kudos: 595





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> big thanks to [slothday](https://www.tumblr.com/dashboard/blog/slothday) for being my beta, I appreciate that a lot <3  
> 

They didn't know what soulmates were, at first. _None_ of them knew; even Catra, who pretended she knew everything, couldn't contain her curiosity when Kyle woke up on his thirteenth birthday and gasped at Rogelio as if he had seen a ghost. Rogelio, for his part, looked nonplussed, his words so fast and guttural that even Lonnie couldn't follow and tell them what was going on. 

"What's going _on?"_ Catra finally burst out, unable to contain her impatience. Adora wasn't surprised at the burst of fondness in her heart for Catra; it had happened more and more frequently lately, and she didn't see it disappearing anytime soon. Not that she wanted it to, really. 

“I can—I think I can _hear_ Rogelio, and feel his emotions,” Kyle managed, and Adora and Catra exchanged an incredulous look, convinced that he had _finally_ lost it. "Stop _looking_ at me like that—I mean I can hear him in my mind."

Rogelio nodded and grunted, making a couple of agitated gestures with his hands. Lonnie gasped. "He says he can hear Kyle, too."

"See?" Kyle threw up his hands triumphantly. 

"Anyone know what this means?" Adora asked, feeling lost as she glanced at the sea of faces around her who were all wearing the same confused expression. She didn't have time to say anything else before Shadow Weaver strode in, looking angrier than usual. Adora felt Catra flinch beside her, an instinctive reaction. She didn't dare reach out and take Catra's hand as much as she really wanted to; she knew first hand that Shadow Weaver only pushed them—pushed _Catra_ harder whenever she noticed how close they were.

"Anyone care to explain why you're late for training?" she said, her usual frosty tone in place, gaze firmly on Catra's eyes as if she was personally responsible. Adora opened her mouth, to say something, _anything_ to lay the blame off Catra—

"It was me!" Kyle burst out. Shadow Weaver slowly turned her piercing glance towards Kyle, and Adora had to suppress her quiet sigh of relief, though she immediately felt guilty for doing so. Catra relaxed somewhat, and, without Shadow Weaver's eyes on them, Adora didn't hesitate to give her a reassuring smile, which Catra hesitantly returned. "I can… _hear_ Rogelio in my head."

Shadow Weaver, for once, looked taken aback. "You can hear him," she said flatly, looking between Kyle and Rogelio, the former looking like he wanted to back away, though the latter held his ground. "Which of your birthdays is it?"

Kyle blanched; even though he had known Shadow Weaver didn't care for them, not _really,_ it was still hard to hear that the person who basically raised you doesn't even know when your birthday is. "Mine," he said, looking determinedly at the floor. 

Shadow Weaver's mask twitched, making her appear more dangerous for a moment, causing even Catra to shrink back. It took them a while to realize that she was sporting a grim smile. "Let me tell you about soulmates."

* * *

Soulmates _existed._ Adora had never really had a family of her own, and the fact that there was someone out there who was destined for her, platonically or romantically, held a special kind of appeal to her. As she ranted to Catra about how amazing it was—Shadow Weaver's dire warnings about attachments being _bad_ not having any effect except to make her even _more_ determined to find have one of her own—not noticing how Catra only replied in monosyllables, her claws out like she only did when she was _really_ agitated, apparently lost in thought. 

"Isn't it _great,_ Catra?" Adora finished after they were both in bed, Catra curled up on her feet as usual. Catra laughed. "Sure it is, Adora."

If Adora heard the sarcasm in her voice, she didn't mention it.

* * *

_"Soulmates are a_ weakness, _" Shadow Weaver had declared, cutting her gaze through all of them, Catra especially. Rogelio and Kyle, while looking cowed, didn't look like they agreed; though it seemed as if they were listening to what Shadow Weaver was saying, it was obvious that they were talking to each other. Adora didn't know how it worked, but she really,_ really _wanted to know. "Though they_ are _useful when communicating with each other in battle… but ultimately worthless for anything else."_

_All of them flinched. Shadow Weaver appeared to smile, seemingly satisfied with their reactions. "See that you don't give me any reason to separate you," she said, looking at Rogelio and Kyle, reminiscent of the words she had told Adora countless times. Adora felt a pang of sympathy for the both of them, knowing how Shadow Weaver's threats felt all too well. She turned around to glare at Catra and Adora, and said: "And if you find yourself with a soulmate when you turn thirteen, I hope you_ do _tell me." The_ or else _was implied._

_“Kyle and Rogelio,” she said, apparently deciding her threats so far wasn’t enough, something sharp in her voice that caused both of them to look up at her. “If you decide to do something foolish, then I won’t hesitate to send you_ both _to Beast Island.”_

_And with that, she walked away, leaving them all in stunned, shocked silence._

* * *

Catra and Adora, unlike most in the Fright Zone, didn't know when their birthday was. Adora still couldn't figure out if Shadow Weaver hadn't told them what their birthdays were out of a sense of spite; she felt that Shadow Weaver, of all people, probably knew _when_ their birthdays were. At least Catra and Adora knew that they—Lonnie, Rogelio, Kyle, Catra, and Adora—were close in age; Lonnie, fifteen, the oldest out of all of them. 

Adora didn't know when her birthday was, so the fact that she woke up in her bed on a cold day on the twenty-fourth of July to hear a voice inside her head—a voice that she knew better than she _knew herself—_ came as a complete surprise. A soft, sleepy exclamation of _it’s too early._

Suddenly, she understood why Kyle and Rogelio had made such a big deal out of this. Catra was slowly uncurling herself from the foot of the bed, apparently not noticing anything amiss. It was at that moment that Adora realized with a pang, that Catra was never going to realize when her birthday was. Then, unable to bear Catra not knowing any longer, she thought: _Catra, is that you?_

Catra leaped up from her seat, her panicked gaze looking everywhere for the voice that only she had heard, her claws digging into the bedsheet and making Adora wince. Adora _really_ should have expected that. She chuckled softly, causing Catra to look at her, her mouth open in disbelief. _Careful. You'll catch flies._

_It's… you?_ Catra asked, her note of disbelief clear through her words, the feeling of hope she emanated making Adora's breath catch. Adora allowed her smile to grow and speak for itself, watching Catra's heterochromatic eyes flicker with _something_ before it disappeared to be replaced by an all too familiar mischievousness. 

"Are you two coming for training, or not?" Lonnie asked, already dressed in gear and looking at them both impatiently. She paused as she glanced between them, one look at Catra's equal parts disbelieving and mischievous gaze making realization flit in her eyes. "I'll leave you to it, then," she finally said, making to leave. 

"Lonnie—wait?" Catra called, and Adora started, never having felt Catra's emotions so acutely than she did now; equal parts hopeful, nervous, and anticipatory. "Don't tell Shadow Weaver… please?"

Lonnie looked taken aback for a moment before she rolled her eyes. "What do you take me for?" she grumbled. "I _know_ how much shit she gave to Kyle and Rogelio—I want to prevent that happening to someone else if I can help it."

"Thanks," Adora said, shooting a grateful smile on Lonnie's way, who shot one back, albeit awkwardly, in return. Catra muttered something back which even Adora couldn't catch, though her relief was apparent in her posture and emotions, her emotions which Adora still couldn't believe she could _feel._ Lonnie, too used to how Catra's emotional range didn't extend up to anything other than sarcasm, rolled her eyes once again and left. "I'll cover for you!" she yelled on the way. 

And then they were alone, something charged between them that they hadn't noticed before. Catra looked away, her dark skin reddening with embarrassment. Adora couldn't help the rush of affection at _that,_ or her giggle as Catra's skin got progressively redder as she felt Adora’s undisguised affection. _Shut up, Adora._

_You know, I technically didn't say anything._

"That's not the _point,_ Adora," Catra said aloud, wincing as her voice seemed too loud for the room, the only sound they had heard in a while. 

"Honestly, I'm not even sure what the point _is,"_ Adora said, grinning, glad to see that the tension between them had abated enough for them to banter as they had done before. "You know, about the soulmate thing—you want to talk about it?"

"What makes you think I want to talk about it?" Catra instantly shot back, looking defensive.

Adora stared back at her, face unimpressed. "That's _exactly_ why," she said, with all the wisdom of someone who had known another person for literally all their lives. Catra cursed under her breath, then sighed and flopped back on the bed so that she was lying next to Adora, gazing up at the ceiling, her emotions going too quickly from one to another for Adora to really decipher. Adora waited patiently, knowing that Catra was bracing herself to do something. You didn’t need a mental connection to know when Catra was preparing to be painfully honest—or at least, _Adora_ didn’t. 

_You know, I didn't think you'd be my soulmate,_ Catra finally said, still looking up at the ceiling. Adora waited for her to go on, trying valiantly to ignore the rush of hurt she felt and the knowledge that Catra could _feel_ the rush of hurt she felt. Catra reached out and squeezed Adora's hand, the bit of affection leaking through the bond more comforting than she was willing to admit. _I just thought—when you were talking to me about soulmates two months ago, I didn't really think you would have wanted someone_ here, _in the Fright Zone. Especially me, when you know I'm still going to be around no matter what._

_I didn't mean it like that!_ Adora said, squeezing Catra's hand. _Honestly, if anyone else was my soulmate, I really don't think they'd hold a candle to you. And just because you're going to be around no matter what doesn't mean I want you to be my soulmate any less._

Catra's answering smile was quick and brilliant, lighting up her whole face. _The same goes for you, you know. I always hoped you'd be my soulmate, even though I was convinced you'd be someone else's._

They lapsed into silence for a while, not wanting to say anything else, basking in the contentment that they both exuded. Then: _you know I'm never going to leave you for anyone else, right?_ Adora said, standing up so she could look directly into Catra's eyes as she said it, wanting Catra to know that she was serious about this. They had said that countless times before, but this moment had more gravity to it as if they were cementing something they already knew. 

Catra smiled, heartbreakingly wide. "You promise?" Catra asked, and suddenly they were six-year-olds again, Adora comforting Catra after one too many verbal lashings by Shadow Weaver, Catra's nails digging into Adora's skin as if wanting to know she was _there,_ with her. 

Adora smiled, thinking she knew the gravity of what she was promising, but not really. Not knowing what she would do four years later. "I promise."


	2. Chapter 1

After realizing that both of them were soulmates, it was surprising how little time it took them to adjust to it; it had always been Catra and Adora against the world, and this was no exception. Adora and Catra had known—actually,  _ Adora  _ more than Catra—that they should tell Kyle and Rogelio about them being soulmates, though they weren't  _ that _ surprised when Catra begrudgingly told them. 

Kyle had giggled at something Rogelio said, before facing them with a half-smile on his face. "He says that anyone who saw that  _ not  _ coming didn't know you two that well." Adora had laughed, and Catra, standing beside her, had spluttered, ears twitching, unable to deny it. 

"I'll get you for this, Kyle," she had threatened, leaping with all the agility of a cat onto a banister and glaring at him. 

Kyle blinked, startled. "It wasn't  _ me,"  _ he protested, throwing his hands up in despair when Catra didn't answer except to flick her tail. "I was just going to say congratulations, you know." Adora hadn't been able to stop laughing, feeling the warmth of Catra's emotions to know that she wasn't really as angry as she made it out to be. Rogelio made a guttural sound that resembled a laugh, apparently realizing the same thing. 

Catra rolled her eyes and jumped back down. "We're still blaming it on you, Kyle," she called back, walking away towards the training area. All of them, realizing that they were all late as it was, were quick to follow, exchanging a panicked look with each other. Adora sometimes wondered if this was how it would be all the time; endless amounts of training intercepted with Shadow Weaver's taunts, having no time for their own except for four hours on the weekends—

Adora resolutely shook those thoughts away. The Fright Zone was the only home she had ever had. And it wasn't like she could  _ go  _ anywhere else—most of the places in Etheria were havens for the Rebellion, and Adora didn't want to pledge her allegiance to any kind of  _ princess.  _

_ Coming, Adora?  _ Catra had stopped making her way across the room and was gazing at her, a questioning look in her eyes, no doubt feeling Adora's conflicted emotions. And watching Catra, she had felt all her indecision melt away; how could she be unsatisfied with her life when  _ Catra  _ was with her? 

Catra had flushed, turned around, and ran away on all fours, faster than she had done before. Adora laughed and followed her. 

Adora and Catra had always been inseparable, even before they became soulmates, and their soul bond, if possible, made them even closer. And unlike Rogelio and Kyle, who Shadow Weaver watched every moment to see if they went "out of line"—though her gaze was, still,  _ always  _ aimed at Catra more than most—they were offered a little more freedom, to communicate with each other without the additional burden of Shadow Weaver's suspicion in them. They became more in tune with each other—though Shadow Weaver really hadn't been lying about it being anything less than a hindrance, since every time Catra and Adora sparred with each other, they could predict exactly what each other's moves were, ending up with a tie more times than they could count. 

It was a miracle that Shadow Weaver still couldn't figure out they were soulmates; even Catra, who was always reserved outside their rooms, still shot a quick smile Adora's way when she had said nothing out loud in the middle of training, Adora doing the same thing minutes later, even  _ giggling  _ when they had successfully taken out someone from another group. Adora felt the way the others talked about them, but couldn't find it in herself to care—she had a  _ soulmate.  _

Shadow Weaver, still knew nothing about it, or if she did, she didn't comment. But Adora wasn't surprised, not really.  _ Shadow Weaver's great at manipulating people,  _ Catra had said, once, when they were both lying down beside each other on Adora's bed.  _ But I don't think she understands  _ emotions  _ that well. She didn't see Rogelio and Kyle were soulmates, either—and—  _

_ If I knew soulmates existed, I would have probably thought they would be, too,  _ Adora had admitted, though something in her  _ ached,  _ still after years of disappointment, at knowing that she was only a part of Shadow Weaver's plans, knowing that she didn't really care about what happened to Adora, not  _ really.  _

_ Please,  _ Catra scoffed, sensing what she was about to say before she said it.  _ Shadow Weaver's always been kind of… intense about you, It's weird.  _ Adora felt the lingering jealousy and confusion there and her heart ached with something else this time. She and Catra had started out laying down beside each other, looking up at the ceiling, but they were now facing each other, though Adora really didn't know how it had happened. Adora reached out and intertwined Catra's fingers with hers, not knowing what the  _ thud thud thud  _ of the pounding of her heart meant, glad that her skin, unlike Catra's, was dark enough to hide her blush. 

_ You know I don't understand why either, right?  _ Adora asked, desperately hoping that Catra would understand. She could hear Lonnie tossing and turning in her bed, the muffled laughter of Kyle as he and his soulmate laughed at a joke that only they could hear.  _ I just wished—I don't know, that she was as intense about you as she's about me, or like, not intense about me  _ at all— 

_ Calm down, Adora,  _ Catra's smooth, amused voice cut her out of her rambling, and Adora smiled despite herself.  _ I understand.  _

And Adora could tell that she did. 

* * *

The first time one of them closed off their bond, it was an accident. Catra, with all her bravado, had provoked Shadow Weaver one too many times—and with her, a force captain to boot. And, despite Adora's protests, Shadow Weaver had been adamant that she learns her lesson and spar against the force captain, who was easily twice the size of Catra. 

All of them just gave each other despairing looks as they brought Catra into the training room, her face not betraying her fear despite how Adora could feel her heart thrumming with anxiety. It only worsened when the soldier strode in, their stocky body impossible to miss in their white and red armor. 

With little ado, they lunged at each other, their training batons going impossibly fast as Catra ducked and swirled and tried to land a hit in. Adora couldn't contain her trepidation, something that Catra noticed.  _ Calm down, Adora,  _ she panted, narrowly avoiding a strike aimed her way. The force commander wasn't holding back, and  _ really,  _ they were battling a  _ fourteen-year-old,  _ couldn't they hold back a little _ —  _

It was at that moment that the commander finally landed a hit on Catra, making both Adora and Catra wince from the pain as they threw her backward. Catra got up but didn't see the hit coming until it was too late, and Adora  _ felt,  _ more than saw, the blinding pain as Catra landed too heavily on her left side, her arm straining, Catra's panic mixing in with Adora's until she didn't know where Adora began and Catra ended. 

And then—nothing. 

Adora gasped, feeling  _ emptier  _ than she had ever felt before, watching Catra get dragged away none-too-gently to the medical quarter with wide eyes. She didn't know she could feel like _ this— _ didn't know how much she depended on her connection to Catra to see her through. She didn't know how it had happened, didn't know if Catra was  _ okay.  _

She was running to the medical quarters before she knew what was happening, ignoring her friends calling after her, asking what was wrong. They were right to be worried; Adora hadn't reacted this frantically in a long time, before she had had the constant presence of Catra in her mind, as familiar as her own. 

Adora wanted to know  _ why. Why  _ Catra's presence, always familiar, always present, was  _ gone.  _ She ran faster, wanted to know more than anything else, whether Catra was okay. She skidded to a halt in front of the medical quarters, Catra's annoyed face as she got bandaged and fitted to a sling filling her with a sense of relief. She couldn't be  _ too  _ hurt if she was snapping at the doctor like that. Adora stayed like that for a moment until the doctor left after telling Catra to not train for a week,  _ at least.  _ Adora knew, with no slight amount of fondness, that Catra would probably forgo training for about a day until she got tired of being left alone, and would join their training the next day, injury be damned. Judging from the doctor's exasperated face, she knew that too. 

_ Hey,  _ Adora tried to say, after the doctor had left, but was met with nothing but emptiness. And this time she felt it—something that felt like a boulder, breaking their connection with each other. She frowned. 

"Hey," she said aloud, unable to resist her smile as she saw Catra jump, claws automatically extending. She made her way towards Catra's bed, Catra watching her intently as she threw herself down on a chair that was nearby. "I couldn't feel you, and I got worried."

Catra relaxed back against the pillows, making an aborted motion to put her arms behind her head before she realized she couldn't. Scowling, she said: "So it actually worked."

"What do you mean, it actually worked?" Adora asked angrily. "I was worried about you—and you, what, block our bond?"

"I didn't mean to do it!" Catra said hastily, and suddenly, Adora could feel Catra's emotions again; a piece of herself slotting back into place.  _ I just thought it'll be better if you couldn't feel my pain, at least for a bit.  _

_ But that's the  _ point  _ of soulmates!  _ Adora said, unable to contain her hurt.  _ How many times was I injured, and you felt it? This isn't a one-sided thing, Catra.  _

_ Are you sure about that?  _ Catra asked something else in her tone, in her emotions, this time. Even Adora, who knew Catra more than anyone else in the Fright Zone, couldn't place what it was. 

_ Yes.  _ Adora said. Then, desperately: "Yes, of course, Catra."

Catra shook her head, smiling. Then, apparently sensing her confusion and realizing that Adora really did  _ not  _ know what she was talking about, she said: "How can someone as smart as you be so  _ stupid?" _

Adora smiled back, glad to see that Catra wasn't mad at her—but what was Catra mad at her  _ for?  _ "I suppose you can… explain what you mean?"  __

She threw her head back and laughed. Adora refused to blush, though she didn't know why, except Catra looked  _ beautiful  _ like this, her hair undone, eyes crinkled with mirth. "You know I won't make it  _ that  _ easy, right?" she said, apparently not noticing Adora's thought process, which Adora strangely felt disappointed by. 

"Fine," Adora said, rolling her eyes.  _ I'll figure it out, just wait and see.  _

_ I'll be waiting for a long time, then,  _ Catra mocked.  _ Anyway, do you want to get out of here? I don't particularly  _ like  _ Kyle, but even hanging out with him is much better than staying  _ here. She made a sweeping gesture at the entirety of where they were; the starch white walls, the sterilized smell that Adora always felt like she wanted to run away from. 

_ Of course,  _ Adora grinned, helping Catra up to her feet.  _ And, Catra? _

_ Yeah?  _

_ Don't block out our soul bond, okay? I know it might seem tempting, but… it's always been us, together.  _

Catra was silent for a long moment, and Adora felt the emotions that were warring within her; joy, resignation, and something else that Adora still couldn't figure out, not yet.  _ No promises, Adora.  _

And no matter how hard Adora tried, she knew that was the best she would get. 

* * *

It went on like that for a while—Catra, trying her best to not block their bond whenever she got injured and Adora trying to resist the impulse to do the same. 

It didn’t really matter much after a few years—both of them had grown with their soul bond, both of them realizing that sometimes, you just needed to be left alone, that having a soulmate wasn’t a magical cure for their emotions, no matter how hard they tried to make it one. 

One time, Catra blocked their soul bond after Shadow Weaver had demanded her to stay back after training and had told her to  _ get her act together or she’ll get sent somewhere else. Permanently.  _ She always raced to the balcony after that, wiping tears from her face and ignoring Adora yelling  _ Catra, wait!  _ As she did her best to keep up. 

The next time, it was  _ Adora  _ who did it, feeling suffocated under Shadow Weaver’s expectations for her that were gratifying sometimes, but were always,  _ always _ miles high. Catra always found her leaning her head against a pillar that was facing a window after that, looking into the concrete jungle that was the Fright Zone and wondering what lay outside, whether The Rebellion was as bad as Shadow Weaver had assured them it was. 

But they  _ always  _ found each other, even if their thoughts and feelings weren’t accessible. Soulmates were something you  _ worked  _ for but didn’t mind the work it entailed, and that was all Adora had asked for, really. 

It went on like that for a while, but they still made it a point to reassure each other than it wasn’t  _ permanent— _ at least Adora did because Catra, as soon as she had composed herself, made it a point to unblock their bond and snuggle up next to her, looking up at the red sky and commenting,  _ we can go around Etheria when we become force captains, you know.  _

_ And spend our time crushing the Rebellion? Yes, please,  _ Adora had always responded, only half sarcastically. Catra always laughed, though there was a lingering feeling of  _ guilt  _ she emanated as every time Adora said something like that about the Rebellion, as if she knew something Adora didn’t. 

* * *

Things came to a head a month before Adora turned eighteen; after Adora had gotten selected to be a force captain by Shadow Weaver—and Catra hadn’t even been allowed to come with her for her first mission. It had taken all of Adora’s self-control to not burst out with a  _ Catra’s my soulmate. Of  _ course,  _ she should come!  _ Despite that, she still couldn’t contain the excitement and joy that Catra could sense from anywhere. 

_ What is it?  _ Catra asked, and Adora couldn’t help but imagine the smile on her lips, her amber and blue eyes alight with excitement. Suddenly wanting to see that expression for herself, she blurted out:  _ Meet me on the balcony? _

_ Of course.  _

She wasn’t surprised to find Catra there when Adora went to where they usually met up whenever they could get away with it. Catra was many things, but she had never denied Adora anything. Sometimes Adora wondered  _ why,  _ but that was a moot point; Adora wasn’t capable of denying Catra anything, either. 

“I got promoted to force captain!” Adora said, as soon as she caught sight of Catra, her smile broad. She did her best to shrug the guilt away when Catra went on a tangent about how  _ amazing  _ it was and how they could  _ conquer the world together,  _ guilt which Catra unfortunately noticed. 

_ What is it, Adora?  _ Catra asked, ears twitching. 

_ It's just that… Shadow Weaver said you aren't allowed to come with me.  _ Adora said hesitantly, reaching out to put a hand on Catra's shoulder, wincing when she just flicked it away and stood up, her face livid. 

_ Before you say anything,  _ Adora said, when Catra opened her mouth.  _ I tried to talk Shadow Weaver out of it, okay? But—  _

_ But you didn't try hard enough now, did you?  _ Catra replied, angrier than she had been in a long time.  _ I suppose you're glad to get rid of me—  _

_ Of course, I'm no—  _

"Well, your emotions sure do feel like it!" Catra said, her nails digging into her palm, a sure sign of her agitation. And Adora felt it; her anger and hopelessness intermingled with  _ fear  _ that Adora would one day leave her behind. 

"Catra," Adora whispered, and Adora felt it when she just deflated, her anger replaced by her hopelessness, which was somehow _much_ worse. Adora didn't hesitate to cross the bridge between them and envelop Catra in a hug, feeling Catra shudder against her. _"I'm_ _never going to abandon you,_ okay?"

Catra sighed, and Adora noticed the same emotion she had felt that day on the medical wing, Catra's heart alight with something Adora couldn't put a name to, but alight all the same. Then, hesitantly: "Want to steal a vehicle and go to the Whispering Woods?" Catra laughed, then, realizing she was serious, she said, "Well  _ obviously,  _ Adora, why do you ask?"

Adora laughed, and tugged Catra along with her, hoping against all hope that they wouldn't get caught. 

* * *

The Whispering Woods was both as creepy and as thrilling as they had both imagined, and then they were crashing into a tree and Adora was having visions of a  _ sword  _ that even Catra didn't believe was real— 

That was when it all derailed, really fast. 

The next day, she couldn't help rushing to the Woods to see where the sword was after begging Catra to cover for her; if there really was one. That was when she met Bow and Glimmer—who had a  _ very  _ different image of the Fright Zone and the Horde. Not to mention the fact that Adora was apparently some kind of  _ princess  _ who could read the words of the First Ones. She hoped she could find out  _ why  _ she was like this—and if going to Bright Moon was the only way she could get answers, then so be it. She hoped Catra would understand. 

_ Adora, are you okay?  _ Catra asked, no doubt noticing her conflicted emotions. There was something else in her tone too—trepidation. 

_ I'm fine,  _ Adora sighed, making her way through the, what did Bow call it? The  _ party  _ in Theymor. She, who had to make do with ration bars all her life, had  _ not _ known food could be this good.  _ I'll tell you whe—I'll tell you later.  _ She had been about to say  _ I'll tell you when I get back to the Fright Zone,  _ but she wasn't going to, now, was she?  __

_ I'm glad,  _ Catra sent back, and Adora could feel that she was.  _ But just a head's up though—Shadow Weaver  _ definitely  _ knows where you are now. I didn't tell her—she has this magic thing and I really don't know how this works… _

_ Oh no.  _

_ Yeah. But she sent me to come and get you, so that's all good.  _ Adora internally breathed a sigh of relief. At least she could explain herself then. 

__ "...you've never had  _ birthday parties?"  _ Bow was saying disbelievingly, dragging Adora back to the conversation at hand. Adora shook her head, biting her lip, debating what to tell him. "Not really," she said, leaning against a nearby rock and determinedly looking anywhere  _ but  _ at Bow. "Really, the first time Shadow Weaver—our… trainer? Even acknowledged our birthdays was when she realized it was one of our thirteenth and… yeah." 

Bow looked somber for a moment, apparently not knowing what to say. Adora cursed herself internally, she  _ really  _ shouldn't have said that to someone who was practically a  _ stranger—  _

"When's your birthday?"

"In exactly a month," Adora said, a reflex. "Why?" 

"When we get to Bright Moon, we're throwing you a birthday party." Bow said decisively.

"Really?" Adora smiled when Bow just nodded his head seriously. "If I stay there that long, of course." 

Before Bow could reply, she caught sight of the most majestic creature that she had ever seen. "That's a  _ horse, _ " she could hear Bow laughing behind her as she reached out and touched it tentatively. 

_ Adora, your joyfulness is actually scaring me.  _

_ I saw a  _ horse, Adora replied, unable to contain her excitement, flushing as she felt the fondness that followed that statement.  _ And he's  _ majestic. 

_ I don't know what that is, but I'll take your word for it,  _ Catra decided.  _ Oh, maybe I can see it for myself.  _

Adora was still smiling to herself, still petting the horse when she heard the sounds of distant crashing from inside the village. Taking one look at Glimmer and Bow's shocked faces, she raced towards the noise, stopping short when she saw what had once been a lively, joyful town, massacred. 

"It's the Horde," Glimmer spat, and if she had looked angry before, this was the angriest Adora had seen her. 

"It  _ can't be,"  _ Adora whispered. "The Horde doesn't attack  _ innocents—" _

"Oh, is that what they told you?" Glimmer mocked before Adora realized that Catra was here, somewhere. She could talk to her, tell her to retreat, that this wasn't the heavily protected Rebellion base they all thought it was. 

"I just need to talk to them," she said, discarding her robe and placing herself in front of the tank nearest to her, ignoring Glimmer and Bow's cries for her to stop. 

"Stop!" she screamed, as it screeched to a halt. She was both surprised and not to see Catra tumble out, her hair in disarray, laughing as if she and Adora were in on some kind of shared joke, not noticing the sickening, gut-wrenching feeling of knowing that everything you've known as true was false that Adora emanated. 

_ I got a tank, can you believe it?  _ She said, alternating between speaking to her telepathically and verbally in her excitement. Normally, Adora would have found that endearing, but all she could think about was the  _ village,  _ all the people who had been friendly to her, all of them  _ dead  _ by the Horde. 

"Catra, this has to  _ stop,"  _ Adora finally managed, watching as Catra was cut off, finally realizing the emotions coiled within her. She flinched.  _ Shadow Weaver, she's been—  _

_ Manipulating us? What the  _ fuck  _ do you think she's been doing all along?  _ Catra snarled. Adora looked at her as if seeing her for the first time, realizing why she had felt guilt emanating from Catra every time they talked about what they would do when they became force commanders— _ Catra had known all along.  _

"I'm sorry," Catra whispered. "I just didn't really think it mattered much." But you didn't need a soul bond to know she was lying, her face an open book. Or maybe it was just an open book to _Adora—_ she had never thought that realization would hurt that much, before. "When Shadow Weaver's gone, we can make our own rules. _We_ can be the ones in charge." 

Adora shook her head. Then, slowly, hesitantly, she walked up to Catra and took both her hands in hers. "We could escape. Go to Bright Moon—just come with me, Catra." She could feel Catra emanating a mixture of conflicting emotions; hope, despair, resignation, and suddenly, damningly,  _ betrayal.  _

"I worked my  _ entire life  _ for this," Catra hissed, wrenching her hands away, and Adora flinched at the expression on her face, like a cornered animal who didn't know what to do except stay where they were. "I thought  _ we  _ did. But I guess the people you've known for a couple of hours matter more than the people you've known your whole life." A pause. Then, a quiet, desperate: "Stay with me, Adora.  _ Come home."  _

Adora shook her head. "I can't go home now, Catra." 

_ You  _ said  _ you wouldn't leave me.  _ Catra said, her face imploring, and when had both their eyes become filled with tears? 

"I'm  _ sorry,  _ Catra," Adora managed, feeling the tears clog her throat, turning around before she could relent, to yield to Catra's  _ look,  _ her emotions, Catra's emotions— 

Which weren't there anymore. 

Adora didn't flinch as she felt Catra's emotions leave her, a chasm where her emotions used to be, a Catra shaped hole in her heart. She had  _ felt  _ the utter  _ desolation  _ that filled Catra before she brutally tugged the emotions down, blocking their soul bond as if it never mattered. 

* * *

She still felt the Catra shaped hole in her heart when she was She-ra. She had known she couldn't escape her soul bond, an intricate part of her that made her  _ her _ , not then.

The only consolation was that Catra felt the same thing—but was it a consolation, really, when Catra appeared to not want their soul bond at all? 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what do y'all think of this chapter? I really hope i got their characters right!  
> also, a 100 kudos for the prologue? i love and appreciate y’all so much


	3. Chapter 2

Adora was quiet most of the way to Bright Moon, her mind buzzing too much to really articulate what she was feeling, not even commenting on things she would have usually found fascinating—things that Catra would have been endeared by too, simply because  _ Adora  _ liked them—

She shook those thoughts rapidly away. She didn't want to think about Catra. She  _ shouldn't  _ think about Catra. Especially when she was the one who made her like  _ this— _ like a vital part of her was missing since Catra's emotions and thoughts were  _ gone,  _ just like that. 

She refused to think that it was maybe forever. Maybe Catra would never talk to her again, maybe she would never share her feelings with her again, maybe she would— 

But wasn't Catra part of the Horde? Shouldn't Adora be  _ glad  _ she wasn't talking to her? 

Adora certainly didn't  _ feel  _ glad, with this ache in her heart emphasized with every step she took, every  _ crunch  _ the earth made, the sword on her hand weighing her down, reminding her of only what she had lost, how she had lost  _ Catra  _ in the process. 

She wondered why Catra did it, but her thoughts were all conflicted, going from one place to another, and she couldn't understand, didn't  _ want to—  _

"Adora, are you alright?" Glimmer finally, hesitantly asked, as Adora sat herself down under a tree, inhaling and exhaling shakily. Bow and Glimmer didn't look as if they knew what to do, exchanging panicked looks as if she couldn't notice what they were doing.  _ Catra  _ would have known what to do when she was like this, had thrown her arms around Adora countless times as she sagged against her, letting Catra's even breathing alert her to the fact that she wasn't alone, no matter what, that Catra was  _ here,  _ for better or for worse. 

_ Or for worse.  _

Adora closed her eyes, taking a slow, even breath, trying not to let the emotions get to her, to not let the  _ bond— _ noticeable,  _ always noticeable but now especially in its absence— _ get to her, to not remember the times when Catra held her and all her troubles melted away, and she was at peace, Catra’s slightly quicker heartbeat ringing loudly in her ears, no noise except their even breathing. Catra gently saying,  _ I'm here, Adora,  _ and Adora only clinging on tighter, afraid that Catra would vanish, that she'll only be left with Shadow Weaver's expectations. 

Well, Catra  _ had  _ vanished, hasn't she? And Shadow Weaver's expectations had disappeared when  _ Adora  _ had left, but she hadn't known this was either or—that if Adora left, Catra wouldn't follow. 

Hadn't they planned for this exact moment, countless times? But they had always thought it would be just  _ them,  _ and Adora couldn't help but feel a small amount of guilt for that, though she  _ knew  _ what the Horde was doing was wrong. 

"...Adora?" Bow was saying this time and Adora realized that she had been resting under the tree with her eyes closed, for more than ten minutes, enough time for her to drift off to sleep if she wanted to. Though knowing the contents of her thoughts, she knew sleep wouldn't come for a long,  _ long  _ time. 

(Especially since there wouldn't be  _ Catra  _ curling down on her feet, so much like a  _ cat  _ that Adora's heart ached with fondness whenever Catra laid down beside her. 

_ Shut up, Adora,  _ Catra always said, though her tone never had anything resembling anger in it. In fact, Adora could feel that she, too was content, these stolen moments in the night when all they wanted to do was curl up next to each other and sleep.) 

Adora opened her eyes, nearly jumping when she saw Glimmer and Bow towering over her, looking concerned and more than a bit distressed, unsure of what they should do. Adora should do them a favor by standing up and going in the direction where she was  _ sure  _ Bright Moon was—with the way they were walking, Adora could make an educated guess and say they were heading North—but she suddenly felt light-headed, the day and the constant thrumming of  _ betrayal betrayal betrayal  _ in her ears, the despairing glance of Catra jammed to the back of her eyelids, the  _ desolation  _ of Catra almost a part of Adora's own soul, enough so that she wouldn't be surprised if Glimmer and Bow saw it rolling off her in waves. 

"I'm fine," she said shortly, looking anywhere  _ but  _ at them. The sword seemed really interesting, suddenly—who knew it was so shiny, that it was—

"You're obviously not," Glimmer said impatiently, apparently realizing that she wasn't going to get anything out of Adora any time soon. "If you don't want to talk about it—"

Adora flinched involuntarily, and really, that was an indication that she wasn't going to say anything as any—no matter what Catra would have thought, she'd only known them for a few hours, and she wasn't going to spill all her life secrets to them, though it still wanted to come out in gasps and torrents, though she wanted to relay it to a third party that could make  _ sense  _ of her conflicted emotions, or at least help her  _ understand.  _

Adora didn't miss the way Glimmer and Bow looked at each other, more intensely than a silent conversation truly warranted. Then, finally, Bow said: "If you don't want to talk about it, can you at least tell us what we can do to help? Please?" 

Adora smiled and resolutely didn't say  _ If you really want to help, please get Catra back.  _ She looked up into the faces of both of them, and for the first time, saw the true concern there; they didn't want to help her because they felt obliged to, they wanted to help  _ her.  _ Her smile got wider, though it was a little manic around the edges if the way Glimmer and Bow looked at each other was any indication, communicating the way only soulmates knew how to do, countless looks Adora had seen passed between Kyle and Rogelio, looks passed between some other two cadets when they thought no one was looking, and  _ always  _ passed between Catra and Adora—as if they were in a world of their own, silent, endless, that was never going to go away or get destroyed. 

But it  _ did.  _ It  _ did.  _ Adora didn't realize she was grimacing until she saw Glimmer give her  _ another  _ concerned look. Then, unable to say anything else, Adora blurted out: "Stay down here with me, just for a bit? I don't know… you hovering makes me…"  _ uncomfortable. Miss Catra more.  _ She knew it wasn't Glimmer or Bow's fault, but. But. 

Bow, seeing something in her face—and her face had always been the most expressive out of the two of them, that got her into trouble, that got them  _ both  _ into trouble—sat down and beside her and leaned his body against the trunk of the tree, a comforting warmth next to her. Glimmer, surprisingly, didn't sit next to Bow, sitting next to Adora instead, tentatively leaning her body against Adora's, resting her head more firmly on Adora's shoulder when she made no objection. And Adora just… sat there for a moment, filled with the warmth that wasn't entirely from body heat, not realizing there were tears in her eyes until she raised her hand absently to wipe them away, freezing as she felt the tell-tale liquid in her fingertips. She furiously scrubbed them away; she wasn't going to cry over  _ Catra,  _ who hadn't come with her, who had blocked their bond like it meant  _ nothing to her—  _

And suddenly, her body was heaving with sobs, her breathing too quick, too  _ loud  _ for it to seem as if she wasn't crying, and she knew she must look like a sight right now, her nose an unattractive shade of red, dark circles under her eyes that were even more pronounced due to her dark skin, but then there were arms encircling her, and she couldn't help but lean into their warmth, shuddering, thinking,  _ I left her she left me we were always meant to be together  _ until she thought nothing at all. 

* * *

"We need to leave before it gets—" 

"Yeah, but we should wait until she wakes up…" 

"We don't  _ have time, Bow—"  _

Adora woke up with a start and a crick in her neck, the sounds of Glimmer and Bow's hushed argument evidently having woken her up. She flushed when she realized that they were arguing about her, wondering uncomfortably if it was too late to just hide her face in her hands and die of embarrassment, especially when she remembered how she had started crying out of nowhere, her throat aching with the reminder of it, suddenly  _ really  _ wanting a glass of water. 

Bow and Glimmer, who had sat down on a tree trunk directly in front of her, stopped their argument as soon as they saw she was awake, looking as if they finally realized she had heard what they were saying. Adora opened her mouth to say something,  _ anything  _ to alleviate the awkward tension, but all that came out was a hopeful, yet dry: "water?" 

Bow's eyes lit up, and he was rummaging inside his backpack in an instant, muttering to himself before he finally unearthed a water bottle. "What? I like to be prepared," he defended, seeing Adora and Glimmer's incredulous looks. Adora accepted it gratefully and guzzled it all down, Bow and Glimmer looking at  _ her  _ in amusement, this time. Adora just smiled, glad that the water was enough of an excuse for her to not talk for a little while, at least. 

At long last, Bow clapped his hands together, making both of them jump. "We should probably head to Bright Moon before it gets dark…"

Adora swiftly got up, nearly falling over when all the blood rushed to her head, Glimmer catching her just in time. "Right," she muttered, blushing again, and handed the nearly empty water bottle back to Bow. "We should get going." She attempted to shrug Glimmer off and walk away, but she was surprisingly strong and held firmly onto her shoulder. 

Adora blinked, seeing Glimmer and Bow exchange  _ another  _ one of those looks, and knew that they were talking about her. She couldn't even find it in herself to be offended by it; with the way she had broken down hours ago, they had a right to be concerned. She sighed, and asked: "What is it?"

"It's just… we didn't really think about anything other than getting you to Bright Moon," Glimmer said, and Adora sensed a very strong _but_ in there. "And my mother isn't really that patient with Horde soldiers… so if you could appear as She-ra in front of her… that would get us all out of trouble, I think? Hopefully?" 

At that, Adora managed to wrench herself out of Glimmer's grasp to round on her, her hands on her hips, hoping that if she just thought of things other than Catra—if she thought of Bright Moon, of scolding Glimmer and telling her to lower her expectations, of She-ra, anything and everything else—maybe she wouldn't feel like this, wouldn't feel like some part of her was missing. She rubbed at her eyes, momentarily losing her train of thought as Glimmer glanced at her sympathetically. She was biting her lip. 

"It's… fine," Adora said, grimacing at how her words didn't even  _ attempt  _ to sound like they weren't a lie. "I can't figure out how the sword works, I wasn't even sure I was in control of it…"

"Maybe if you practiced here?" Glimmer suggested, but Bow was already shaking his head. "It's four Glimmer, and if Queen Angella doesn't see you home by now I'm pretty sure she would  _ actually  _ send a search party after you." 

"I'm not a  _ child,"  _ Glimmer said, sounding annoyed. But her face held a look of resignation in it, seeing the losing battle for what it was. "Adora, we can figure out how you can become She-ra when we get home, okay?"

_ It's not home.  _ Bright Moon wasn't home. Even the  _ Fright Zone  _ wasn't her home, not really. Home had always been where  _ Catra  _ was, for her, but this time, she felt it—the crushing realization that someone had left you and wasn't going to come back, the emptiness where their bond used to be more than enough confirmation. Glimmer and Bow, if they noticed the emotions written all too clearly across her face, didn't comment. 

All of them, by unspoken agreement, trudged their way towards Bright Moon, Glimmer having used up most of her teleportation powers during the skirmish in Theymor. Where Catra had, where  _ Adora had— _

But Adora was never going to give up on Catra—she had left Catra once, even though she  _ knew  _ she was doing the right thing, and she was never going to leave her again and was going to make sure Catra was safe if it was the last thing she did. Now that she was awake, she could understand what Catra had felt, how she had felt abandoned by Adora to two people she barely knew. 

Glimmer, apparently getting tired of their silence—or at least,  _ Adora's  _ silence, piped up with: "I know you don't want to talk about it Adora, but you were literally  _ crying—" _

Adora just increased her pace, taking grim satisfaction in how Glimmer struggled to keep up with her. Then, realizing she couldn't avoid Glimmer's nagging or Bow's silent curiosity—with the way he was looking way too interested in the trees above him—forever, she said: "My soulmate blocked her bond with me, okay? Probably permanently, if she has any say in it. That's the short version of it." She looked away, hating the way she couldn't even contain her grimace of pain. Glimmer's mouth formed an "o" in her surprise, Bow's faltering footsteps registering his surprise, too. She knew how they felt; the prospect of blocking their bond, not for a few hours,  _ forever,  _ would have seemed foreign to her a week ago—and even two  _ days  _ ago. 

"It's who we saw you talking to near the tank, wasn't it?" Bow asked, and Adora flushed at his tone of voice; gentle, sympathetic as if talking to a caged animal. She nodded, not allowing herself to look at both of them. She didn't have any time to say anything more; as soon as she nodded, she caught sight of Bright Moon in all its glory, laid out before her, and couldn't help but gasp, her worries forgotten for once. The Fright Zone had always been shades of red and green, but _this—_ this was what she had wanted to see when she thought about the outside world.

Glimmer stepped in front of them and grinned, though her glance at Adora was still concerned. And that was all the warning she got before Glimmer turned around, kept her hands on their shoulders, and teleported them towards her room—or what Adora thought was her room, anyway, though it seemed more like a  _ hall  _ than a bedroom to her. In fact, the only indication that it was a bedroom was the cot that hung high above them; Glimmer probably teleported up there to sleep. Adora always had the bottom bunk bed, and Catra always had the one on top—but she wasn't going to think about Catra. She  _ wasn't.  _

"I should probably go and talk to my mother," Glimmer muttered as soon as they stepped foot in her room, though she didn't look like she should be going anywhere anytime soon; her clothing was in disarray, and even her sparkles, normally lighting up her entire body, seemed to have dimmed, a sure sign of her exhaustion. Though she  _ also  _ looked very nervous, probably thinking her mother would be mad at her, so Adora kept her mouth shut. "And—Adora?"

Adora jumped. "Yeah?" 

"Can you see if you can turn into She-ra? I don't think my mom will be pleased if I told her I came back with a Horde soldier," she laughed nervously. "We can just… edge her slowly into the Horde soldier thing.  _ After  _ we've told her you're She-ra." 

Adora nodded, figuring that was the least she could for Glimmer, and for the first time since she had entered the Whispering Woods after the Horde was defeated at Theymor, properly looked at the sword in her hand. Even if she couldn't be a proper Horde soldier, she could be  _ this— _ She-ra, who didn't know what she was doing either but was much stronger than Adora, who could at least be of  _ help  _ to people. 

She held her sword, high up in her hands, concentrating as hard as she could.  _ "For the honor of Grayskull,"  _ she said, waiting for the magic to consume her as it had done before, to make her into something that was  _ better.  _

But then—nothing happened. Adora brought the sword down with a  _ crash  _ onto the floor, all of them flinching when it became impaled on the floor. "Sorry," Adora said sheepishly. 

“It’s fine,” Glimmer sighed. “I’ve always wanted a hole on the floor of my bedroom, anyway.” 

“It’s no-it’s  _ not  _ a hole!” Adora spluttered, wrenching the miraculously unscathed sword out and proving her point. As a matter of fact, it wasn't  _ actually  _ a hole, just a little graze, though Adora really didn't understand what the point she was trying to make was. Glimmer didn't understand either if the way she was rolling her eyes was any indication. 

Then, without further ado, Glimmer closed her eyes and concentrated, though she didn't disappear like most of the time Adora had seen her try to teleport before, merely flickering for a moment before reappearing. This was _amazing;_ _all_ their powers weren't working now, apparently. "I was going to go and recharge before talking to her," Glimmer said, dismayed. Making her way quickly to the door, she said: "I'm going to sneak into the room to recharge, okay? And Adora, _please_ figure out how you can change into She-ra." 

Adora nodded numbly, sword still in hand, as the door closed with a  _ bang _ behind her. Bow winced. "Queen Angella really gets annoyed when she does that," he said, and Adora laughed, glad to see there was  _ some _ kind of normalcy in this bizarre situation Adora had landed herself in.

They lapsed into comfortable silence for a moment, before Adora lifted up her sword yet again to give transforming into She-ra a try, sighing when she felt  _ nothing— _ it was just a sword in her hands right now, and worse, she didn't even know  _ how  _ to use a sword, although using a sword had come to her so easily when she was She-ra. She knew  _ why  _ she didn't know how to use one; Shadow Weaver had only been concerned with training them to be soldiers, really. Looking back, there were a lot of times she wanted to go back in time and kick herself for not noticing what was right in front of her, what Catra had known all along.  _ Shadow Weaver's always been manipulative.  _

"Adora, don't be mad at me, but…" Bow started, nearly causing Adora to cause  _ another  _ dent on the floor because of how startled she was. Bow snickered, before sobering up surprisingly fast, aiming a solemn look at Adora. Adora, belatedly realizing that she hadn't said anything in response to Bow's words, nodded. 

"I think… you not being able to transform into She-ra…" Bow said, words obviously hesitant and looking like he was trying his best to break something gently to Adora. "It's because of your soulbond." 

She felt like a bucket of ice-cold water had been dumped over her head at his words. "What do you mean?" she said, hating how small her voice sounded. 

"Not just the soulbond, of course," Bow assured her, brows drawing together, fighting to form the right words. "This entire thing—finding the sword, escaping the Horde, that might have been a bit stressful for you, and…" 

Glimmer suddenly teleported next to Bow before he could finish, making them all flinch. "Mom's coming this way," she said, panicked. "And if she sees a Horde soldier—Bow, we need to distract her, and Adora can transform into She-ra and blow everyone's minds out." 

"But—" 

"Transform into She-ra, Adora! We believe in you!" was the last thing she heard before Glimmer disappeared yet again, taking Bow with her this time. Adora breathed slowly, remembering Bow's words, trying hard  _ not  _ to think about Catra or soulbonds or the Horde or  _ anything,  _ this time. 

Typically, that only ended up with her thinking about that all the more, her concentration on being  _ She-ra  _ wavering as she tried to imagine how Catra was, whether Shadow Weaver was still treating her like she was dirt, whether she was a cadet or the force commander she had always wanted to be. 

(Whether she had told Shadow Weaver about how Adora could turn into a seven-foot-tall warrior princess. She thought about that a  _ lot.)  _

Deciding that she wasn't going to accomplish anything worthwhile staying inside, she crept outside.

Adora had done a lot of reckless things in her life—her taking a ship to the Whispering Woods with Catra being one of them—but this was arguably the worst, her turning the first horse she had seen into what looked like a unicorn, the entire village trying to fight her after they had thought she was a Horde soldier afterward. 

Really, the only thing she could do after that was race into the Whispering Woods to look for Horsey and hopefully escape from the villagers, hoping she would get back to Bright Moon somehow, bumping into an old woman with butterflies circling around her head who called Adora "Mara," in the process. 

Adora decided to cut her losses and explained the entire situation to Madame Razz, trying hard not to seem like she was desperate and hopeless—maybe she  _ could  _ help Adora, help her figure out her conflicted thoughts, and how she was going to help anyone in spite of them. Madame Razz didn't  _ seem  _ like she was part of the Horde, though she didn't seem inclined to do anything except pick berries, dragging Adora with her, calling her Mara all the while. 

Then Madame Razz inadvertently led Adora to a First Ones' ruin, and Adora couldn't contain her excitement, especially when the ruin lit up when Madame Razz climbed it to pick berries despite Adora's protests, lighting the entire sky up with a bright supernova of— 

_ "Stars,"  _ Adora whispered, unable to contain the awe in her voice, even with Madame Razz in her arms after she had fallen down from the ruins, Adora catching her just in time. She felt  _ some  _ kind of familiarity with this entire structure as if she knew what was happening to her; as if she would realize what she was if she dug deep enough into her memories… 

_ A blue-skinned woman. A green field. A baby giggling.  _

She shook her head against the assault of memories, knowing something significant had happened, but not knowing what. Instead: "You  _ know  _ something. About She-ra, about what I have to do…" 

Madame Razz shook her head, though not unkindly. "Oh, dearie," she said sadly. "I knew someone like you, once, full of hope, courage, believing the good in everyone." 

Adora felt her breath catch in her throat. "Is it… Mara?" 

Razz didn't respond, instead taking her to a field filled with abandoned Horde machines, making Adora gasp and feel sick. To think that  _ she  _ used to be part of something like  _ this…  _

Madame Razz, seeing the sickened look on her face, said: "It's the same story, every time. Sometimes… people just want to destroy, and sometimes, you have to let some people go in order to do the right thing. There are so  _ many  _ dimensions out there, and there are still people who do nothing but hate, conquer for the sake of it.

"Mara never had a soulmate, you know. I don't really think she would have wanted one; she didn't need to have a bond to know she loved her sweetheart all the same."

Adora stilled, not knowing what to say. Then, she heard the neighing of Horsey before Madame Razz did, racing towards the sound with Madame Razz close behind, stopping to a halt when she saw how he was surrounded by Horde soldiers. 

Then, quietly:  _ "For the honor of Grayskull."  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i promised myself this was going to be more comfort than angst, but... it ended up being _really_ angsty instead. oops? as always, please tell me what u thought about this chapter, and if you liked it or not (if u don't pls be constructive thanks)  
> feel free follow/give me some catradora prompts to write on [tumblr!](https://www.tumblr.com/dashboard/blog/a-sentimental-man)


	4. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me: hmm... this might be a short chapter... maybe 2k words at the most   
> me, 3.7k words later: _fuck_

It had been a day since Bow and Glimmer had been captured by the Horde at Princess Prom, and Adora couldn't pinpoint the exact moment when it had all gone wrong, though it was probably a collection of mistakes from  _ all  _ of them, if Adora was being fair. 

But she had allowed herself to get distracted, had been so sure that  _ Catra  _ was the one who was going to do something, that she had let herself only observe  _ her,  _ and hadn't spared a thought about the force captain next to her—Scorpia, who made Adora feel a hint of jealousy every time she thought of her. 

When she was dancing with Catra, it had felt like they were kids again, Catra all arrogance and Adora all fake bluster, though it didn't feel quite  _ right,  _ anymore; every time she looked at Catra, she couldn't help remembering how Catra had left her behind, how  _ Catra  _ thought  _ Adora  _ left her behind. And anyway, she couldn't help but drink Catra in when they danced, Catra looking so much more mature and attractive in her suit, a sharp contrast to how Adora felt so out of place in this gathering meant for  _ princesses  _ when out of the two of them, Catra looked so much more like one. It didn't help that Catra kept  _ looking  _ at her like  _ that;  _ as if they were sharing some kind of secret instead of both of them being friends turned enemies. 

(And Adora wanted to  _ join  _ in it, to pretend that there wasn't a gaping hole in her mind where Catra used to be, to lean in and say something that wasn't along the lines of  _ we're watching you, Catra  _ and something like  _ remember when we practiced dancing that one night when we were nine—when Shadow Weaver told us what dancing was, after we—after  _ I— _ asked her?)  _

Glimmer and Bow would have usually noticed Adora's preoccupation—they've shot Adora more than one concerned glance when they thought she wasn't looking after Adora told them she and Catra were soulmates, and Glimmer's expression had had that same look when Adora said she was spying on Catra instead of Scorpia, though Glimmer hadn't objected—but Glimmer had been more concerned with Bow and Perfuma, and hadn't seen how Adora's expression had shuttered more than once when looking at Catra and her mischievous, heterochromatic eyes. 

She didn't know  _ why  _ Catra could affect her like this; as if being without her was an open wound, a wound that only increased when she saw Catra with Scorpia, looking as if she had already moved on with her friendships. 

(She had known Catra for seventeen years. She knew the difference between when Catra was tolerating someone and actually, genuinely  _ liked  _ them.) 

It couldn't be  _ just  _ because they were soulmates, but—how could she explain this inexplicable feeling that made her heart ache, that made her feel as if taking one look at Catra would make her burst into tears—her dignity be damned—or twirl her around until Catra forgot about anyone other than Adora? 

It had been both easier and harder to pretend that they hadn't been friends and were only enemies now, though her confidence wavered with every step they took on that dance, dancing as if they were attuned to each other's bodies after years of practice—which they  _ were— _ Catra and Adora were the only people in the world during that moment. 

Adora had known, after that, that she wouldn't have that feeling with anyone else. 

Catra had left and had taken part of herself with it. She had read about soulmates in the Bright Moon library—so much bigger and diverse than the Horde had ever been—and how they could be both platonic and romantic, and how soulbonds being blocked would have a  _ painful  _ effect on someone—mentally, not physically. 

Adora had thought "painful" was an understatement. Especially during Princess Prom, when Adora had tried to hide how much it hurt to see Catra when she was blocking their bond; when she was looking at Adora so brazenly like she had looked so many times before and _still_ blocking their bond, though she liked to imagine that the bond _sometimes_ slowly edged away to make room for Catra's emotions, a stray thought leaking in here and there. 

Adora  _ had  _ been expecting Catra to try something; she wasn't blinded enough by their former friendship—the word  _ former  _ hurt to say—to see the cogs turning around in her head, her intelligent eyes glinting with a plan that was equal parts effective and risky, as it had always been when they were in simulation practice and she was partnered with Adora. 

_ That  _ was what had hurt the most in the end. 

Adora, out of her mind with worry for Glimmer and Bow, couldn't help the look of absolute crushing realization on her face as she escaped her death hanging from a hair pick she'd jammed into the building, hoping against hope that it would hold until someone came to help, with Catra's face grinning at her from the inside of a spaceship.  __

Adora couldn't help the tears that gathered in her eyes at  _ that;  _ hot, angry tears that slid down her face, cursing Catra for what she had done, cursing  _ herself  _ for not trying harder to— _ to  _ what,  _ exactly?  _ A nasty voice inside her head asked, resembling too much like Shadow Weaver for Adora's comfort.  _ To make her join the Rebellion?  _ Adora barely resisted shaking her head and wiping the tears from her face, careful of the 12 feet drop below her and all too aware of the fact that Bow and Glimmer were  _ captured  _ and she couldn't give up now. She braced herself and reached out with her right hand—the hand that wasn't grasping the hair pick—and shakily grasped the edge of the building, her muscles straining with the effort. Once she was sure her hold was firm, she yanked out the hair pick and jammed it forcefully near her right hand, taking a short, deep breath and lifting herself up. She sighed in relief as she felt her Horde training kick in and landed on top of the building, loose-limbed and exhausted, wondering what to do  _ first,  _ too many thoughts stumbling through her head for it to make any sense. 

Adora got to her feet and made her way to Bright Moon, the empty seat next to her on the ship feeling like a weight on her shoulders that seeped into her skin. 

Now, she couldn't help the way she said  _ "I'll get them back somehow,"  _ to Angella, guilt clawing her insides, as she raced through the corridors, trying to come up with a plan that  _ didn't  _ depend on She-ra. When she looked up at the princesses—and Sea Hawk, for some reason— who adamantly insisted they were going to rescue one of their own, Adora couldn't help the way her heart lightened up, or the way a little bit of the tension in her shoulders abated after a sleepless night tossing and turning, figuring out what to do about Glimmer and Bow. 

"Let's do this," Adora smiled, feeling the beginnings of a plan form in her mind. 

* * *

_ Making  _ a plan, Adora found, was far easier than  _ executing  _ said plan, especially after they had finally gone inside the Fright Zone, and immediately losing Entrapta afterward. The Fright Zone hadn't changed at  _ all  _ since Adora had been there; the same hues of green and red, now more sinister than it used to feel, Glimmer and Bow's safety the only thought in her mind. Yet, she couldn't help but feel… something, when she looked at the dark walls, imagining the times when she and Catra had raced across them, Shadow Weaver's wrath forgotten for once. 

"Adora?" Perfuma asked, something calculating in her glance as she looked at Adora, who, with a start, realized she had been staring at the inside of the room they had hidden in with a vacant look on her face. 

"Right," Adora said, noticing the keypad attached to the wall, and desperately hoping that the access codes she remembered would work. "I know it seems hard, but we're going to rescue Sea Hawk, Entrapta, Glimmer, Bow and we're taking the sword back. We aren't leaving  _ any  _ princesses behind, today." She added, fiddling with the keypad, and typing four short words in. The others were all looking around the room with curiosity; it was  _ massive,  _ and contained a collection of batons in the corner that Mermista disturbingly looked fascinated by. 

"I don't know, it sounds kind of hard," Mermista's drawl started, at the exact moment when the door on the other side of the room screeched open, Adora muttering an excited  _ yes!  _ under her breath. 

"Uhhh… Did anyone notice that door, before?" Mermista said doubtfully, hands raised as if looking for an ambush around the corner, walking slowly towards the door. The others, too, looked apprehensive, no one having noticed Adora fiddling with the keypad. 

Adora straightened up and rolled her eyes. "This is a connecting room to the cells… see that corridor? The cell block is directly after we walk through it and turn right. Now  _ come on.  _ We need to find Bow and Glimmer and rescue them." And Adora ran off, not paying any attention to how the others started grumbling, but followed. 

She came to a halt in front of a robot, sweating as she took a good look at how  _ big  _ it was—and she had been in simulation training, she knew  _ exactly  _ how effective they were. And they didn't have  _ time,  _ and she didn't have She-ra and Mermista and Perfuma were all frozen next to her—

She blinked when Entrapta appeared next to the robot, who was apparently not intent on killing them  _ very  _ efficiently after all. "Hey everyone," Entrapta grinned, unceremoniously dropping Sea Hawk on Mermista's arms, to the surprise of both of them. To Sea Hawk's credit, he only looked surprised for a moment before he grinned and started posing in her arms. That display would have made Adora smile and shoot a teasing grin at Mermista normally, but now, all she could feel was her eagerness to find Bow and Glimmer and get out of Fright Zone. "Meet Emily! She helped me rescue Sea Hawk… didn't you, Emily?"

"Hey Emily," Perfuma said hesitantly. Entrapta grinned at her, her eyes bright with the thrill of discovering something new. She had seen that look on Catra’s face, once, when they— 

Adora shook her head violently, causing them all to look at her in concern, even Entrapta, who said: "My records of your vital signs indicate that you’re more distressed than you were two minutes ago. Did you see a threat? Or was it the lingering memories of the Horde—" 

"It's nothing," Adora brushed her away, taking a right and breathing a sigh of relief when she saw that the layout of the cell block and the prisoners inside was still in the place she remembered. She quickly typed the password into the tab, wondering why the Horde hadn’t changed their passwords yet, especially after Adora had escaped.  _ Maybe Shadow Weaver’s distracted by everything else. _

"Bow is in here, but Glimmer isn't,” Adora frowned. "Hopefully Bow knows something about where she is—Entrapta, do you think you can get us up to the place where Bow is?" 

"Of course!" Entrapta promised, bounding ahead with Emily, Mermista tailing her with a muttered  _ I'll keep an eye on her.  _ Adora knew that was all she could ask of them, really. 

She turned towards the others, all of whom looked as if they were prepared for anything. 

"Right," Adora said, smiling. "It's about time we rescued them, don't you think?" 

They all smiled back, Perfuma's smile ending in a grimace, even Sea Hawk looking contrite.  _ "Onwards,"  _ he managed, looking up at the cell blocks with apprehension, even his gestures were devoid of their usual enthusiasm. Adora, knowing that she wasn't She-ra any longer, barely resisted the urge to mirror their expressions. 

* * *

Adora hadn't expected rescuing Bow to be  _ easy;  _ she wasn't stupid. But she also hadn't been prepared to fight her friends, which, in hindsight, was probably a miscalculation on her part. Even if she  _ had  _ prepared for it, she didn't know what she would have said in return to Lonnie's betrayed looks, the words  _ we used to be your friends!  _ burning in her ears, Kyle's quiet,  _ Catra misses you, you know. She's not as subtle as she likes to think she is,  _ somehow worse. At least, Lonnie, Rogelio, and Kyle had each other. 

(Catra had always kept them all at arm’s distance, saying that she didn’t need anyone else except Adora. Adora wondered if she was regretting that decision, now.) 

And really, after their hurt looks, the least Adora could do was surrender herself and offer herself in exchange for Glimmer's life; her friends meant the  _ world  _ to her, and even if Lonnie and Kyle and Rogelio didn't consider her to be their friends anymore, then at least she could save  _ Glimmer;  _ Glimmer, who had been a steady presence ever since she had become She-ra, who had always encouraged her to practice and had always,  _ always  _ believed in her. And that wasn't even counting Bow, who, with a worried expression on his face, had said that Glimmer had been blocking their soulbond ever since she had been taken to the Black Garnet chamber. Looking at Glimmer struggling against the dark red bonds wrapping around her that prevented her from teleporting any time she tried, Adora could understand why. 

But Adora couldn't help but stare at Catra as she was strapped to the examination table, Catra's face set in a satisfied grin and tail swishing in her excitement. 

"You'll be deployed soon enough, now that Adora's back," Shadow Weaver said dismissively, her eyes focused on Adora, not even sparing a second to look at Catra, whose face was looking more and more dismayed by the second. Adora gasped, feeling something  _ else  _ this time; Catra's warring emotions: anger, and frustration, and betrayal. And despite everything else, despite what they've become now, despite what those emotions  _ were,  _ those emotions that she could feel still made her feel like she was coming home.  _ Figures that the reason Catra unblocks our bond is because of Shadow Weaver,  _ Adora thought wirily to herself.

Catra didn't even spare Adora a second glance at her gasp, too intent on glaring at Shadow Weaver. That didn't mean… it didn't mean that Catra wasn't aware she had unblocked their bond, did it? "I can't  _ believe you,"  _ Catra said, all tightly coiled anger and  _ hatred _ ; hatred that made Catra always block their bond whenever she was feeling it, mostly after she'd gotten scolded by Shadow Weaver. Because Catra, even when she was talking to Adora, didn't want to appear that vulnerable, and didn't want Adora to see the true  _ capacity  _ of the emotions she was capable of feeling. 

Catra didn't know she had unblocked their soulbond. 

Adora knew how it felt to block a soulbond; she had done it more than a few times when she wanted  _ Catra  _ to not feel her thoughts and knew the amount of concentration that took; Catra had always been better at that than she was, and that had been obvious from the way she kept an ironclad control over her emotions when they were dancing at Princess Prom, Adora's emotions a mix of confusion and rage and  _ something else,  _ and Catra's, nothing at all. For her to lose control like this—Shadow Weaver was  _ hurting  _ her, and Adora struggled against her bonds to go and comfort Catra like she wanted to do so,  _ so  _ badly, an ingrained habit that she couldn't get rid of even if she tried. Not that she wanted to—even after  _ everything  _ Catra had done, she  _ still  _ didn't want to. 

"Seriously?" Catra finally managed, her words coming out in a hiss, grasping Adora's sword like she was going to stab Shadow Weaver with it. For one, irrational moment, Adora  _ really  _ hoped she did. Then, louder: "After  _ everything  _ I've done, you  _ still  _ want her, don't you?  _ Nothing  _ I do is going to make me better than her in your eyes." Shadow Weaver didn't respond, and the way she was still looking at Adora's bound form was more than enough of an answer. Catra glared, a mixture of humiliation and embarrassment this time, and strode away, still carrying the sword with her. Shadow Weaver didn't comment as the door slid shut behind her. 

"I'll stay in the Fright Zone willingly, please, just let Glimmer go," Adora said finally, unable to bear the way Shadow Weaver was looking at both of them as if they were specimens under a microscope; both of them not even struggling against their bonds, for different reasons. 

"You'll  _ stay,"  _ Shadow Weaver said, something dark and  _ satisfied  _ in her voice that made Adora shiver despite herself. "Because you won't  _ remember  _ anything that happened after you joined the Rebellion. I'm going to erase your memories so you won't remember She-ra at all. And trust me, once your memories are erased, you won't object to a Princess being kept here at all." 

Adora flinched.  _ "No,"  _ she whispered and struggled against her bonds, watching in despair as the red tendrils of her magic got closer and closer, a hundred thoughts racing through her mind; the Whispering Woods, She-ra, Razza, Princess Prom, and most of all  _ Catra,  _ and a small, masochistic part of Adora couldn't help but think whether this would be better, whether she would get their  _ bond  _ back again—

It was at that moment that Glimmer teleported, and attacked Shadow Weaver;  _ a glimmering beacon of hope,  _ Adora couldn't help but think hysterically. She remembered Bow commenting that one time, and Glimmer punching him on the shoulder for it, all of them bursting into laughter a minute later. In the back of her mind, she could still feel snatches of Catra's emotions; helplessness, humiliation, anger all rolled up, though she still couldn't feel what she was  _ thinking.  _

Glimmer made short work of her restraints, teleporting them out of the Black Garnet chamber as soon as Adora tumbled out. 

Glimmer gasped and fell to the floor as soon as they landed on a corridor that Adora vaguely remembered. Adora, who had been holding on to Glimmer, with a curse, tumbled down too, her irritation quickly replaced with concern as she saw the pain-filled expression on Glimmer's face. "What's wrong?" she asked, hand hovering over Glimmer's back, unsure what she should do.  _ Bow is so much better at this,  _ she thought, head still racing with questions about whether the others were waiting, whether they were all  _ safe.  _

"I can't teleport," Glimmer muttered, shrugging Adora's hand away and straightening up. She closed her eyes and concentrated, and this time, Adora could see it; not the way Glimmer was incapable of teleporting when she hadn't recharged, but the way something  _ else  _ was stopping her from teleporting, her coming close enough to teleport before jolting back to where she was, even the sparkles surrounding her becoming darker, for a minute. 

"Guess we'll have to walk, then," Adora said, trying to inject some cheerfulness that she didn't feel into her voice. By the way Glimmer was glaring at her, it  _ really  _ hadn't worked. She winced. "What? I think I know the way outside—" 

Adora had been too occupied with Glimmer to notice the sounds of someone else arriving until they were very close, but now, she couldn't mistake the darkened silhouette to be anything other than Catra's, or the way she held the sword as she made her way towards them, scraping it against the walls of the building and making Adora wince. Glimmer, beside her, was frozen. 

"Catra," Adora said, grimacing at the way the word came out sounding fonder than she intended, but she couldn't help it; she could still feel Catra's emotions; apprehension and something else, something  _ else _ that made her heart beat faster, though she didn't know why. 

Catra came forward, the glare on her face not lessening. If she felt Adora's emotions, she gave no indication. Then, in a move that surprised them both, she offered the hilt of the sword to Adora, and said, through gritted teeth: "Take it." 

"Catra—" Adora started, not even knowing how she was going to finish that sentence. And there was  _ that  _ emotion again, an emotion that Adora  _ still  _ couldn't put a name to, coming from Catra, along with fond, exasperated affection.

"Just  _ take it,"  _ Catra snarled, not moving an inch. And Adora, despite Glimmer's solid presence beside her, felt like it was just her and Catra at that moment, both of them expecting something from the other that the other couldn't give. 

She stepped forward and took the sword. "This is  _ not _ because I like you," Catra said, but the damage was already done; when Catra strode away, Adora could still feel the lingering fondness, a fondness that was immediately sealed shut, Catra finally realizing she hadn't been blocking their bond for a long time. 

Adora couldn't help but stare after her, not even the fact that Catra had blocked their bond dimming the elation she felt at knowing that Catra didn't  _ hate  _ her, after all. 

"Er—Adora?" Glimmer said hesitantly, and Adora started, blushing. 

"Right," she muttered, shaking her head. She raised her sword up, feeling lighter than she had for  _ months. "For the honor of Grayskull."  _

She smiled as the change washed over her, knowing that everything would be fine as long as she had She-ra, that her friends had probably gotten themselves out, safe. "Come on," she called, laughing, feeling as if everything would be okay as soon as they got to Bright Moon with Glimmer and Bow with her, and Glimmer had recharged. "Let's get back to our friends." 

Glimmer smiled back, a small, worried one, but a smile all the same. 

Adora was still smiling when she fought the Horde soldiers, easier than ever in her eight-foot-tall form, her exit exhilarating. 

She was still smiling when they raced to the ship, seeing Bow and Glimmer embracing and unable to contain her fondness for them. 

She was still smiling when she checked to see if everyone was good, seeing that everyone _ was—  _

But. 

When she heard that Entrapta was dead, she wasn't smiling at all. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so... i was thinking of making this a series and adding a few outtakes of catra and adore being cute? (like them learning how to dance when they were nine) what do y'all think?   
> comments and kudos mean a lot!!


	5. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this entire chapter is a product of me listening to arctic monkeys and looking feverishly at wikis and transcripts and rewatching episodes lmaoo

All Adora could feel after she heard Entrapta was dead was numbness, a constant ache that wouldn't go away. She could see Glimmer and Bow felt the same way; their expressions of grief matched Adora's anytime she looked at them. And that wasn't even thinking about how the Princess Alliance had dissolved as if it had never been there in the first place, all of them blaming themselves for what had happened. Adora couldn't even blame them for leaving the Rebellion—how many times had she said that  _ no princess is going to be left behind,  _ and then Entrapta had  _ died  _ less than a day after she'd said it the first time? 

But she knew there was no one to blame but herself—if she hadn't gotten so lost in thought when she was dancing with Catra, if she hadn't been so  _ certain  _ that  _ Catra  _ was the one who was going to lay the trap, if she hadn't been so preoccupied with their blocked bond  _ still—  _

Even remembering Catra's lingering fondness through their bond didn't make the ache go away. In any other time—the limbo when both Adora and Glimmer had felt on top of the world after they had escaped from the Fright Zone before they had known about Entrapta—Adora would have been delighted— _ had been  _ delighted—but she was incapable of thinking about  _ anything  _ except for how Entrpata was  _ dead  _ and it was all her fault. 

She wished she could have trained more. She wished she hadn't been so utterly useless, maybe the Horde had gotten  _ something  _ right about their strict training regime, maybe she just needed to become better, be more  _ useful  _ than she currently was— 

"...to distract Mom," Glimmer was saying, and Adora, with a guilty start, realized she had gotten so lost in her thoughts she had forgotten what they were talking about. They were all in Glimmer's room, trying to figure out what they were going to do, especially after the Princess Alliance had dissolved and with Queen Angella not letting any of them out of her sight after their return from the Fright Zone. 

They were both looking from their couches at Adora, obviously waiting for her response. Adora smiled awkwardly, shifting her gaze between the both of them and avoiding eye contact. 

“You didn’t hear anything we said, did you?” Glimmer said, sounding half amused and half resigned; as if she didn’t know whether she was mad at Adora or not. Then, visibly deciding to ignore Adora ignoring  _ them,  _ she said: "My powers aren't working." 

"Wait—what?" Adora asked, startled. That was  _ not  _ what she had been expecting. She knew Glimmer hadn't been able to teleport after they had escaped from Shadow Weaver; she had just assumed that when they got to Bright Moon and recharged, she would be able to teleport, and she had gone to the Heartstone with Bow to do just that while Adora had tried to convince the princesses to not leave. Glimmer, seeing the dawning realization in Adora's face, smiled grimly. 

"I tried to recharge, but the stone isn't connecting with me—I think Shadow Weaver did something to my magic, Adora," she said, her voice falling into a whisper at the last words. At that, Adora felt every inch the helpless eighteen-year-old she was, unable to comfort her friend or decide on what to do. She saw Bow shift towards Glimmer, placing a hand on her thigh and whispering something at her that made her smile more genuine. 

She and Catra—No. Adora was  _ not  _ going to think about Catra now. Thinking about anything other than the situation they were in now felt  _ wrong  _ somehow—as if they were betraying Entrapta and her sacrifice to focus on things that didn't matter; Catra was still part of the  _ Horde  _ and had made that more than clear when she had given them the sword and walked away without looking back, no matter what she felt about Shadow Weaver. But it was still a  _ compulsion  _ to think about her soulmate who seemed to be hanging by a thread the last time they had seen her, her eyes betraying how much she wanted to get above Shadow Weaver; how much she  _ hated  _ her. 

But she hated the Rebellion more. Adora just needed to remember that. 

(Even though Catra didn't seem to hate  _ Adora  _ at all.)

"And Mom wants to talk with me, and I understand that because I want to too—" she broke off, and Adora saw the same thing she had seen happen in the Fright Zone happen when Glimmer had tried to teleport, but this time with more intensity; enough so that Glimmer gasped and fell back into her chair, her form flickering and resetting in a shower of red sparks before flickering and resetting once again. Adora startled and exchanged a panicked look with Bow who, like her, looked as if he didn't know what to do. Glimmer, seeing their looks, laughed hollowly. "Yeah. You get the picture. I  _ really  _ don't want her seeing me like this."

After that, Glimmer glanced at Bow for a second and smiled a bit more genuinely at something he had presumably said. Adora tried to ignore the stab of jealousy she felt at their bond, which looked so  _ easy,  _ even after Princess Prom, when Glimmer had thought Bow was going to like Perfuma more than her. Which Adora had known was bullshit from the start; Bow looked at Glimmer as if he didn't need to see the stars that everyone in Etheria wanted to take a look at, as if Glimmer was a star of her own and was the only one that he needed in the end. 

"Recharging only made it worse," she said miserably, her smile falling away, toying with a loose thread in her pants. "And I don't want to worry her more than she already is, she had enough on her plate without me saying that I'm somehow defective—" 

"You're not—" 

"Glimmer—" 

Adora and Bow protested at the same time, and Glimmer smiled. Adora was glad she could make her friend smile, at  _ least. _ "Thanks, guys. Still doesn't solve our problem though."

"I might… have an idea," Adora said, trying not to look self-conscious as their gazes landed on her. "Maybe my sword can fix it? She-Ra  _ did  _ heal the trees in Plumeria." 

"Not really, actually," Bow started, but Glimmer had already straightened up and had a gleam in her eyes. 

"And She-Ra fixed the Sea Gate, too." 

"Glimmer isn't some type of machinery, Adora, we were  _ just talking about this—"  _

"This is  _ going  _ to work, I just know it," Glimmer said, ignoring Bow, who looked more and more frustrated at them not listening to him by the minute. Adora frowned at his expression, but decided to ignore Bow's words, for the moment. Then, standing up and meeting Glimmer halfway, finally feeling like she was doing something worthwhile, she unsheathed her sword. 

_ "For the honor of Grayskull,"  _ she said, smiling, as Glimmer beamed and Bow groaned. Transforming into She-Ra was as easy as breathing, now, and her smile became wider as she felt the power coursing through her, enough power to heal Glimmer. But she still didn't know  _ how  _ she was going to heal her—

"Eternia… Heal," she managed feebly, in front of Glimmer's optimistic and Bow's despairing looks. Nothing happened, the sword merely becoming a  _ bit  _ brighter—or was it just Adora's imagination?—before it flickered off again. 

"Try pointing it at me," Glimmer suggested.

"Or how about we not point a sharp,  _ lethal _ object at my soulmate? Please?" Bow said, sounding tired. Adora ignored him and pointed the sword at Glimmer, frowning when it had no effect, jabbing the sword in her general direction for good measure, which only caused Bow's protests to grow louder. 

"Hmm…" Adora said, getting an idea. As if on cue, her sword glowed, brighter than it had been before. Even Bow quieted down as she rested the sword over Glimmer's head, hoping against all hope that it would work this time. 

"I definitely feel something," Glimmer said, and Adora resisted the urge to breathe a sigh of relief. It was when she was throwing a vindicated look at Bow that Glimmer started glitching again, more rapidly this time, Bow catching her just in time before she collapsed onto the floor. 

_ "Fuck,"  _ Adora muttered, hurling her sword across the room in frustration. 

"Can we be  _ careful with that?"  _ Bow yelled, slinging an arm around Glimmer's shoulders and guiding her to a couch, which she sank down into without protest. That, more than anything, made Adora concerned. Glimmer, she had found,  _ never  _ did anything without at a word or two od protest, and her letting even her soulmate guide her into a chair without protest betrayed how exhausted Glimmer felt. Adora, knowing she couldn't do anything now, slumped in defeat. 

"What good am I if I can't even heal one princess?" she said, retrieving her sword from the floor and glancing at it with exasperation. There was a sharp knock on the door at the same time, too distinctive to be anything other than Queen Angella's. All of them exchanged panicked looks before Glimmer hissed at them to  _ act normal  _ and opened the door. Angella glanced at them from the doorway, looking none too impressed. 

"Mom, we're busy," Glimmer said, and Angella's mouth flattened into a thin line. Adora winced. 

"I won't be long. You're requested to have dinner with me tonight. Alone." 

"But I'm tired, can't I just stay and rest?" 

"Oh sorry, did I say  _ request?  _ I meant  _ order.  _ Because I'm your mother, and also your Queen." 

"She's playing the Queen card," Bow whispered to Adora, who nodded. "There's no  _ way  _ Glimmer can hide her glitching now." 

"There's no need to answer," Angella said, looking every inch the Queen she was, before striding away, leaving Glimmer to gape after her in her wake. She didn't have time to gape long; Glimmer shouted as she began glitching again, the red forming around her body seeming to get darker and darker the more she glitched. 

Adora rubbed her face with her hands, trying to figure out what to do. She was  _ She-Ra,  _ she could do  _ something…  _

"Oh," she said, remembering the place she had gone to with Madame Razz, a place that had  _ called  _ to her, somehow. Bow and Glimmer both looked at her, a question in both their eyes. "I don't have enough training to heal anyone. But I think I know a place where I can  _ get  _ that training." 

"But—" 

"Listen," Adora said, growing more and more certain by the minute. "When I went to that place in the Whispering Woods with Madame Razz, it felt like there was something  _ more  _ there. Like it's… a beacon. A beacon that's calling to me. The Horde didn't get a lot of things right, but at least they know they have to train us before they send us on missions."

"That's like… the bare minimum," Bow muttered. 

"Anyway… I think I need to go there. To the beacon, I mean," Adora continued. She shook her head when Glimmer suggested she should go with her, knowing that this was something she was supposed to do  _ alone,  _ no matter how she felt about it, or how she  _ felt  _ it. "I think I need to do this alone. I won't drag you guys with me, this time." 

With that, Adora leaped out of the window amidst their lingering protests, wincing when she fell on the bushes underneath Glimmer's room, knowing there would be more than a few scratches on her legs when she looked. Then, hoping that Glimmer and Bow hadn't seen  _ that,  _ she made her way towards the Whispering Woods.

* * *

The Whispering Woods, more than anything else, held equal amounts of good and bad memories for her. When she made her way through the forest, stepping over leaves and nearly tripping over roots with every step she took, she couldn't help the way the memories rushed through her: the first time she and Catra had come there and she had seen the sword; when Bow and Glimmer had kidnapped her but hadn't really done a good job of it; when she had been confused and conflicted and had found Madame Razz. Before she knew it, she was in front of the Beacon she had seen before; slightly glowing as if it had been expecting her presence. 

She took a deep breath.  _ "Eternia,"  _ she said softly, causing the doors to slide open. Adora wasn't surprised; she had known that would happen, some innate sense guiding her and telling her what to do and not to do. She would have usually been warier of something that made her  _ do  _ things like this, but this felt gentle, coaxing, as if, if she really wanted to resist it, she could. And she knew what manipulation felt like; she had lived with Shadow Weaver as her caretaker for most of her life. This didn't feel  _ anything  _ like that. 

And besides, even if it  _ did,  _ she wasn't  _ not  _ going to go to this beacon; her friend was sick, and this was the only way that she could save her. She would do  _ anything  _ for her friends, especially when she had already betrayed one of her friends by dragging them into a mission and getting them killed. 

She made her way inside, sword clutched tightly in her hand as if she was going to get attacked. The hallway lit up as soon as she stepped in, surrounding the inside in almost ethereal blue light and making Adora's breath catch.  _ Entrapta would have  _ loved  _ this,  _ she thought with a pang. 

"Hello," she called, brandishing her sword awkwardly. Her voice echoed off the room, making goosebumps rise across her flesh. "I carry the sword of She-Ra and have come here for help. Is anyone here?" 

"Greetings," a voice piped up suddenly, making Adora shriek and wheel around towards where the noise was coming from. A hologram whose form she couldn't recognize was staring at her, seeming to be glitching.  _ Ironic.  _

"I need your help to heal my friend," she said, trying to get through to the hologram, which seemed unmoved. "She's been cursed, and I don't know how to save her. The legends say She-ra can save her—can she?" 

"What is your query?" the same robotic voice asked. Adora resisted groaning in frustration. She settled for rolling her eyes and scoffing instead, transforming into She-ra with no fanfare, hoping that worked, at least. 

"How about now?" she asked, and finally,  _ finally,  _ the hologram answered her. 

"Administrator detected. What is your query?" it said once again, and Adora actually  _ did  _ groan, this time. At least this was better than the hologram not recognizing her at all. 

"Can this sword heal my friend?" 

"Healing and restoring balance is one of the sword's many functions, correct." 

"That isn't what I'm  _ asking,"  _ Adora said, afraid that she might lose it if this continued for much longer. "Can this heal my friend?" 

"Query not recognized." 

Adora took a deep breath, trying to concentrate, to understand if there was anything  _ else  _ she could do to learn how to heal Glimmer; if there was anyone  _ else  _ she could talk to. Then—

_ A memory. A woman named Light Hope. A baby. A sword.  _

She blinked, and the vision was gone, but that was enough. "I need to speak to Light Hope." 

"Light Hope?" The hologram asked, sounding confused. 

"Yes, Light Hope. She was the one I saw in my visions, wasn't it?" Adora said, growing more and more certain by the minute. She should have been surprised to see the hologram being replaced the exact replica of the person— _ hologram,  _ she realized now—she had seen in her visions, right down to the markings on her angular body, but she had been half expecting it, ever since she had stepped into this ancient ruin. 

"She's waiting for you," she said. "But first—you need to  _ let go."  _

"What's that supposed to mean?" Adora said, growing more and more frustrated by the minute—she just wanted answers, not more and more questions there wasn't enough time to answer. At that moment, a pedestal behind her lit up, making her instinctively wheel around and fire at the unknown presence. 

"Hey, watch out!" A voice she hadn't expected to hear so soon yelled indignantly. Adora felt her mouth drop open and heart give a hopeful tug when she saw  _ Catra— _ looking none the worse for wear, the same glint in her eyes that meant she was ready for anything, a piece of First Ones' tech in her hand. 

"Catra?" she asked, wincing at the way her voice got more high pitched at the end of her question. Catra, if she noticed, didn't comment. She wouldn't have hesitated to tease Adora about it if that had happened when they were in the Horde. "What are you doing here?" 

Before Catra could open her mouth to answer—and looking at what was in her hand, it didn't take a genius to figure out what she was here for—the same hologram said, in a much more daunting voice: "Intruder detected. Security protocol activated," making the formally blue-tinged room glow a menacing shade of red. 

"Oh  _ shit,"  _ Adora muttered. Then, looking at Catra, she said: "You're not supposed to be here," as the doors closed one by one. Catra didn't have any time to reply—and by the incredulous look on her face, she had a  _ lot  _ to say—because Adora took ahold of her arm and dragged her towards the nearest door, both of them panting and crying out in alarm as they saw  _ spiders _ edge out of the door they were heading towards. Adora immediately turned around and made for another door, prompting Catra to say, "What are  _ those?"  _ in the most alarmed voice Adora had heard from her yet. 

"We need to run," Adora panted, letting go of Catra's arm and racing towards a nearly closed door and using her strength to hold it up, groaning with the effort. It was these situations that made her  _ really  _ grateful that She-Ra existed. Adora dropped the door as soon as Catra made her way through, but that was enough time for a significant amount of spiders to come into the new hallway, making them both curse and run in the opposite direction, not even remembering they were enemies in their sheer terror at those red eyes that stared at them menacingly in the darkness. 

"What's going on?" Catra asked. "And  _ why  _ are they after us?" 

"They're not after  _ us,"  _ Adora explained, panting. "They're after you. They think you're an intruder." 

"Why don't you call them off, then?" Catra suggested, sounding annoyed. Adora wheeled towards her, expression incredulous. "Well, nothing in this place listens to me now, does it?" 

She didn't have time to rant any further as they both abruptly came to a halt in front of a dead-end, the  _ click-clack  _ of the spiders close behind them. Catra and Adora exchanged a panicked look before Adora came up with an idea that might  _ actually  _ get them out of the situation they were in. 

Catra, who was intimately acquainted with that look before she did something incredibly risky—incredibly  _ stupid,  _ Catra had always said, with a fond eye roll—took one look at her face before her eyes narrowed into thin slits. "Adora?" she said warningly, and it was like nothing had happened and they were a team again, but Adora couldn't forget; she could  _ never  _ forget with how their soul bond was closed off. 

But Catra gave Adora her sword back, and that had to  _ mean  _ something, right? 

"What are you going to  _ do?"  _

"Stand back," Adora said, raising her sword. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> adora: catra hates the rebellion but likes me, but that doesn't mean it's gay, does it? 
> 
> also: this got more than 300 kudos, and I'm genuinely so blown away by this response? like, I expected to get like 100 kudos at most, and seeing how everyone likes this has made me so happy! (and if this gets to 500, I will literally start screaming and won't stop for a week. fair warning). 
> 
> i meant to include promise in this chapter too, but describing (extra! non-canon stuff!!) made the chapter way too long, so i decided to put that in the next chapter :) as always, please leave a comment and kudos if u enjoyed this, it genuinely keeps me writing. like. a lot <3


	6. Chapter 5

_ A memory:  _

_ Catra crying on the foot of Adora's bed; great, heaving sobs that no one could ignore if they wanted to. The others were still at training, and Catra had done the only thing she felt comfortable doing, which was laying on Adora's bed. _

_ It wasn't long before the others appeared, their laughter dying off as they saw the state their friend was in. None of them—except for Adora, it was always  _ Adora— _ were equipped to handle her like this, but that didn't stop them for asking after her tear-streaked face, and  _ what Shadow Weaver had done this time.  _ She shook her head violently, not wanting to talk about it.  _

_ They subsided, but Adora didn't. She walked towards Catra's still sobbing form and smiled reassuringly. "Want to get out of here?" she asked softly. Catra nodded and allowed herself to be dragged up and out of their bunkers, letting Adora guide her to an abandoned room that they've used for the same occasion many times before. Catra sank into the floor, bringing her legs close to herself and burying her face in them.  _

_ "What happened, Catra?"  _

_ "I asked Shadow Weaver what dancing was, Adora," she breathed into her legs. Adora stilled, her hand still on Catra's leg. They had been curious to know what it was ever since they had come across the word on one of the books in the library, in one of the only books that didn't seem to be about training or how to win any wars. It had been a story; about a princess who had been made to be a servant, and didn't even know she was a princess until someone had come along and gave her shoes to dance. It had been the first time they had seen a story that  _ wasn't  _ negative about princesses. "She asked me where I heard that word, and when I didn't tell her—she used her magic on me to find out how." She didn't say anything else, only clutching herself tighter. If anyone knew what "used her magic" meant, it was Adora.  _

_ Adora still didn't say anything. Then, when Catra slowly looked up into Adora's blue eyes, she blinked, seeming to have come to a decision. "I asked her too," she said abruptly, avoiding Catra's eyes. "She told me what it was."  _

_ "Of  _ course  _ she did," Catra said wetly, wiping her eyes. Shadow Weaver had never been able to deny Adora anything. Then: "What is it? Is it like… a new way of maiming that we don't know?" _

_ "No, actually," Adora said, laughing. She stood up and reached out her hand. Then, seeing Catra hesitate, she said: "Come on, I'll show you."  _

_ Catra grimaced, but accepted Adora's hand and stood up. "This better be worth it," she warned. At nine, Adora was a bit taller than Catra, not nearly enough to be noticeable when they were standing next to each other, but Catra felt uncomfortably aware of it when they were hand in hand, her glancing  _ up  _ at Adora instead of down. "What  _ is  _ it, exactly?"  _

_ "So," Adora started, then stopped. Catra raised an eyebrow, prompting her to continue. "Dancing is apparently something people do for… fun?"  _

_ "Fun?" Catra echoed, tasting the word in her mouth. Shadow Weaver had always said they weren't supposed to do anything that wasn't training, and doing something  _ fun  _ was delightfully rebellious for her.  _

_ "Yeah," Adora said, a smile beginning to form on her face. "Normally, you need music for this, and you kind of, move to the beat. But that's informal dancing." _

_ "There's formal dancing?" Catra asked, feeling breathless for no reason.  _

_ "Yeah," Adora smiled so hard her cheeks started to hurt. "I'm showing this to you, so  _ I  _ get to lead. You take one step forward, I take one step back."  _

_ Catra did as Adora said, but Adora wasn't quick enough to step back, making Catra step on her toes instead. Catra, taking one look at Adora's grimacing face, laughed, Shadow Weaver forgotten for now. Adora couldn't even maintain her grimace at the delighted,  _ happy  _ look on Catra's face.  _

_ "Let's try again," Adora managed, smiling. This time, they actually managed it, Adora guiding Catra through the movements, both of them giggling…  _

They were still giggling when they passed a pillar and jolted back to the present, now eighteen, memories of them as nine-year-olds too fresh in their minds. Catra and Adora glanced at each other in shock, their bodies still too close together and making Adora's breath erratic. They stopped for a moment and looked at each other, blue eyes looking at yellow and blue before they both stepped away.

"What  _ was  _ that?" Catra said as they hurried away, unable to say anything else as the building crumbled around them. 

"The same thing that happened the last time," Adora said shortly. "Memories they're digging up because  _ someone  _ couldn't resist stealing from a ruin,  _ and  _ making my friend get cursed." 

"Fine, fine," Catra replied, rolling her eyes. "What do you want? An apology?" 

"An apology  _ would  _ be nice." 

"Well, you aren't getting one," Catra scoffed, continuing to walk forward with Adora. 

As they walked, Adora couldn't resist asking: "Can I ask why you let us go?"

"You already _did_ ask me something," Catra murmured disinterestedly, not looking back at her as they made their way through a gaping hole in the floor, narrowly avoiding falling in. Adora opened her mouth to say something, then closed it, too many questions floating through her head to articulate anything she _wanted_ to say. She doubted a _why_ would cover it. But: "Yeah, but—" 

She shrieked as the rocks gave way beneath her, nearly hurling her towards the hole in the floor, Catra catching her and hauling her up just in time. "Did you  _ really  _ think I'd have let Shadow Weaver wipe your memories, just like that?" 

"Well…" she said, remembering the thoughts she had felt from Catra when Shadow Weaver had told her to leave them at the Black Garnet chamber. Knowing them, she  _ knew  _ Catra wouldn't have. Catra looked back and took one long look at her face, smirking at what she saw. She looked away and walked faster, prompting Adora to run to catch up with her. 

"It wasn't all bad, was it? Growing up in the Fright Zone?" Catra asked, and there was something vulnerable in her voice when she said it as if she was preparing herself for the worst. Adora  _ hated  _ not been able to feel her thoughts and emotions at moments like this. 

"Of course it wasn't," Adora said, then hesitated. "I miss you too, you know." 

"I don't  _ miss you,"  _ Catra said, shoving Adora and nearly making her trip over. 

"Well, from what your thoughts were saying when you gave me the sword—"

"Do. Not. Talk about that," Catra said, all the playfulness suddenly gone from her voice. Adora stopped and watched helplessly as Catra hurried away, not waiting for Adora to catch up with her this time, her figure disappearing into the blackness. 

Five minutes later, she heard a scream in the distance; too unmistakable to be anyone other than Catra _.  _ "Oh no," she said. "Catra?  _ Catra?"  _

She rushed towards where she had heard the noise coming from, the room seeming to get darker and darker the more she followed Catra’s screaming. Then, suddenly, she was in a room lit up with harsh yellow light, filled with lockers and a mirror that all of them had been trained to only look at to see if their uniform was in place. But this time, Catra was being dragged  _ through  _ the mirror, and Adora, with a gasp, realized she could feel everything Catra was feeling, in the most inconvenient of moments, but didn't have time to think about it much more before she was rushing towards the mirror, trying to tug Catra back into the locker room to no avail. 

The last thing she saw before Catra got dragged away by the spiders, her screams muffled through the bindings, was her yellow and blue eyes, terrified and uncertain. Adora banged helplessly on the mirror, nearly screaming in despair as her hands met glass instead of empty space, Catra's face disappearing through the darkness once again. 

But she could feel Catra's thoughts again—anger, frustration, all combined into something  _ lethal,  _ until she felt nothing at all. 

This wasn't like the time when Catra had willfully blocked their bond; that felt more like she was a boulder blocking their bond, this felt more like… emptiness. Catra was  _ dead.  _

She muffled a sob and ran, not knowing where she was running  _ to,  _ barely noticing how the room had gone pitch black when she was running, her footsteps the only sound she could hear for a long time. 

Then, the scene reset.

_ "You promise you'll stay with me?" fifteen-year-old Catra asked, and Adora vaguely remembered this moment—when they had both laid down next to each other on Adora's bed, a stolen moment when everyone had left for training. Adora couldn't remember  _ why  _ Catra had asked, but she still remembered the smile she gave Catra in return,  _ witnessed  _ the smile she gave Catra in return.  _

_ "I promise," Adora returned.  _

Adora gasped for air as she  _ ran,  _ tears streaking down her face, until, suddenly, she could feel Catra's emotions more acutely than ever. She skidded to a halt at the end of the hallway, seeing Catra battling the spider, her claws retracted, mouth bared in a snarl. Adora  _ knew  _ what she felt, the triumph at escaping, the glee at taking an enemy on combined with the adrenaline rush of fighting that had been ingrained into them their whole lives. 

Adora, without hesitation, joined Catra, laying a killing blow to the spider with her sword. 

Catra shrieked in frustration. "I  _ had it, Adora!"  _

"Well,  _ I  _ thought you were dead," Adora returned, crossing her arms over her chest, concerned and desperate for answers. Catra looked surprised, for a second, before realization washed over, and Adora braced herself for the tell-tale feeling of their bond being closed off. 

"I'm a  _ cat,  _ Adora," Catra said, looking away. Their bond was still open, and that surprised and delighted Adora more than she was willing to admit. And  _ Catra  _ could feel her delight if her flushed cheeks were any indication. But it wasn't long before that flush faded away, replaced with a blank, closed-off look that Catra had become more than proficient in lately. "And I could have  _ handled  _ that myself." 

_ "Sure  _ you could," Adora said, and immediately knew that was the worst thing she could have said; Catra, like last time, ran ahead of her, climbing the suddenly visible pillars with an agility that Adora couldn't even hope to mimic. "Catra, please! You don't need to go back to the Horde anymore!" 

"How do you know that's something I  _ want,  _ Adora?" Catra said, her mind a confusing mix of emotions that even Adora couldn't interpret. 

"Shadow Weaver doesn't  _ care  _ about you, she doesn't care about—" 

"Oh, thank you  _ so much  _ for pointing that out—" 

"That's not what I meant—" 

_ "Admit it, you've always loved being her favorite!" both young and present Catra screamed at her as they both passed a pillar, and Adora recoiled, shaking her head.  _

_ "That's not true!" Both Adoras protested.  _

They passed through another pillar and it was only their present selves again, Adora trying to catch up with Catra to yell a desperate: "Catra, wait!" Catra shook her head, and finally,  _ finally  _ turned around, the sheer  _ anger  _ she could feel through their bond overwhelming. 

_ "Why do you think I gave the sword back to you? I didn't  _ want  _ you to return to the Fright Zone, that's it!"  _

Their soulbond was still open. There was nothing to refute what she said.

Adora stared after her as the floor crumbled below her, taking all her hopes with it. 

* * *

_ "You know, Adora, I'm really going to miss you, you know," Catra said conversationally, running her fingers over Adora's sword as if she had no care in the world.  _

_ "Catra, please don't do this," Adora panted, clutching at a rock, hoping against hope that she wouldn't fall in, that Catra would somehow help her. "I never meant to make you feel second best; if you would join the Rebellion with me, please, if you come back, I promise—"  _

_ Catra's mocking smile suddenly disappeared as if it had never been there, and at that moment, all Adora could sense from her was a lingering sense of hate and hurt, all aimed at  _ Adora.  _ "You know what I saw when I was alone? I saw you promise you wouldn’t leave me when we first became soulmates. Your promises don't mean  _ shit  _ anymore, Adora." And with that, Catra turned, a sense of finality around her that hadn't been present when she had given Adora the sword back last time. She threw the sword inside the chasm with perfect accuracy, Adora watching with despair as it fell back into the darkness, her grip on the rock loosening minute by minute.  _

_ Catra had blocked their bond again. But this time, Adora had felt all she had wanted to feel. She squeezed her eyes shut, tears escaping from her eyelids to join the tears gathered at her chin that she had forgotten to wipe away. _

_ She hung there for a moment, her grip loosening second by second…  _

_ "Let.. go…" A startlingly familiar voice called, and what could Adora do, except do exactly that?  _

* * *

"You're Light Hope," Adora gasped after she had landed in an unfamiliar room, only containing the familiar form of the person she had seen in her memories and  _ visions  _ many, many times after she had found the sword. 

"Yes, I am," Light Hope, apparently not deeming it interesting enough to comment on Adora's tear-streaked face. Adora inwardly heaved a sigh of relief; concentrating on what her original purpose in coming here was, like how she could  _ heal  _ Glimmer, was more worthwhile than thinking about Catra and how she was sure Catra was never going to trust her ever again. She was  _ not  _ going to think about Catra. For real, this time. "I was stationed here to look after you, though I couldn't approach you while you were under the Horde's control." 

"Yeah," Adora breathed, glad she was finally able to get some  _ answers.  _ "I don't mean to be rude, but  _ why  _ were you stationed to look after me?"

"I am Light Hope, Etheria's facilitator. I was created by the First Ones, as you call them." 

"Okay, quick follow up question,  _ who  _ are the First Ones?" 

Then, as Light Hope explained who, and  _ what,  _ exactly, She-Ra was, Adora couldn't help but listen, her mouth agape as she explained about how everything in Etheria was connected, particularly through all the princesses, but— "Can we skip to the part about my powers? I  _ need  _ to heal my friend."

"Your… friend?" 

"Yes, my  _ friend.  _ She was hurt by Shadow Weaver, and I need to learn how to save her…" 

"She-Ra's sword provides many things, and healing is one of them." 

"Great," Adora said, relieved. "How long will that take? Because I need to heal her before she gets any worse—" 

"Years." 

"Years?" Adora asked, beginning to get truly angry; she didn't come all the way to Light Hope's  _ Crystal Castle  _ to go away without a cure for one of her best friends. Light Hope nodded and replied: "Yes. Though that doesn't matter—your mission is to fix the planet." 

"That's not my mission—my fucking  _ mission  _ is to fix my friend." 

Light Hope, instead of answering directly, merely said: "There was a She-Ra before you—she, too, valued her friends more than the planet. She struggled with a power that she couldn't control and became compromised." 

Adora frowned; from the way that Madame Razz had talked about Mara, there would have been more to her story than that. Madame Razz seemed  _ sad  _ at what had  _ happened  _ to her; she hadn't been sad at what Mara had presumably done. 

"Her desperate actions led us to desolation," Light Hope continued, her words sounding more and more robotic to Adora's suspicious ears. She was sure she wouldn't have noticed it if Catra hadn’t thrown her sword into a chasm and left her to fend for herself, the  _ finality  _ in her thoughts still ringing in her ears. Somehow, Light Hope’s words made her feel a deep, lingering sense of suspicion that she had only felt after she had left the Horde behind, her instincts screaming at her that Light Hope was concealing something, the thing that had  _ actually  _ made Mara plunge them into Despondos. 

Adora, after Catra had blocked their soulbond, had spent more times than she could count laying awake on her bed at the dead of the night, replaying all her interactions with Shadow Weaver in her head and realizing how her words always held an edge of untruth to it, as if she was saying the bare minimum of what she was supposed to say without making it a total lie. Talking to Light Hope felt the same way. 

Talking to Madame Razz hadn’t felt like that. Even talking to  _ Catra,  _ even after Adora had joined the Rebellion, hadn't felt like that, at least to Adora.

"...Adora, you  _ must  _ stay here and become the She-Ra that Mara couldn't be."

Adora pinched the bridge of her nose. "I will," she said, through her growing suspicion. Because what Light Hope had said about the Horde infecting the planet; that was  _ true,  _ and she  _ did  _ need to train. But she felt the burning desire to find out what had happened to Mara after figuring out a way to cure Glimmer, and she had the feeling that the person who was most qualified to answer her questions was, inexplicably, Madame Razz. "I'll do whatever you want. I'll come back, and train and learn everything. But I have to save Glimmer first." 

Light Hope didn't respond, except to gaze at her with an unreadable look. Adora gasped as she summoned memories as if they were nothing: Catra's betrayed expression as she backed away from her in Thaymor; Glimmer struggling against Shadow Weaver's bonds; the last time she had seen Entrapta… 

"You feel guilt at those memories," Light Hope said, her words threatening. Adora had never been more certain of how she was a hologram than at that moment, her expression a study in stillness. "Isn't it better if you let go, now?" 

Adora knew what she was attempting to do; to make her think that she was better off without her friends, that her  _ friends  _ were better off without her, and they might be, but she wasn't going to abandon her friends again. Catra might hate her, but she didn't hate  _ Catra  _ and was sure she never could. Just as soon as she opened her mouth to reply, the room seemed to shake on its foundations, causing even Light Hope to start glitching. 

She looked around in dismay as Light Hope faintly said: "The Horde is hurting us.  _ Balance Etheria,"  _ and disappeared. 

"Light Hope? Lig—Swift Wind?" she said, as the horse suddenly appeared as if out of nowhere next to her, looking quite pleased with himself. 

"It is I," he said, and Adora blinked. 

"Our horse can talk?" she asked, not sure  _ who  _ she was asking. 

"I'm not  _ anyone's  _ horse, but yes, I  _ can  _ talk," Swift Wind said, looking as if he had explained the concept hundreds of times before. "And now… we need to go." 

"We?" Adora asked, surprised. 

"Your  _ friends,  _ Adora," Swift Wind said. "Listen, I've had the ability to form complex thoughts for like… a week, but even I know we should go and help the people who are fighting giant spiders for us." 

Adora startled and took a deep breath, suddenly remembering what Madame Razz had told her about Mara months ago when she had been unsure of what to do, unsure of what her place was in the world as She-Ra.  _ There are so  _ many  _ dimensions out there, and there are still people who do nothing but hate, conquer for the sake of it. _

_ Mara never had a soulmate, you know.  _

"I'm not Mara," she realized, forgetting that Swift Wind was next to her, for a moment. "I'm not here  _ just  _ to fulfill some cosmic destiny; my attachments make me who I am."  _ Maybe Mara was the same way. Maybe Light Hope just couldn’t understand that.  _

"So… are we going, or not?" 

Adora laughed. "Of course we are. I'm  _ not  _ going to abandon my friends again," she said, more to prove a point to Light Hope and  _ herself, _ than anyone else. 

When she got out of the Crystal Castle, she was going to find Madame Razz, and ask her exactly  _ what  _ had happened to Mara. Considering the age-old grief on her face, she remembered a  _ lot.  _

But, all thoughts of that were driven from her mind as she escaped the Crystal Castle to find everything around her in a state of disrepair, the  _ world  _ in a state of despair, and Adora with nothing to do about it. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> finally!! we have reached the canon divergence point :) i was so hyped to post this chapter and i'm so glad that most of you are liking this so far ahhh 
> 
> i also posted a new catradora fic called [can we always be this close?](https://archiveofourown.org/works/25629895) and you can check it out if you like fake-dating and friends to lovers aus. 
> 
> also, comments are great thanks


	7. Chapter 6

The first thing Adora noticed when they neared Bright Moon was how the usually cheerful and welcoming castle was awash in gray, gloomy, making them notice that there was something wrong with the moonstone even before they neared the castle. They couldn't even catch sight of the castle through the ensuing storm until a bright light signaled where the castle was. _The distress signal,_ Adora realized, her heart sinking. Glimmer, behind her, made an aborted choking sound before Adora felt her start glitching, only her grip on Adora’s waist preventing her from plunging into the Whispering Woods, which looked like it was frozen over. 

“Bow,” Adora called through the rushing wind, raising her voice when it was apparent he hadn’t heard her. _“Bow!"_ He made a sound of acknowledgment. "What do you think is causing this?” 

“I have as much of an idea as you do,” Bow said back, sounding frustrated. “My best guess is that someone messed with one gemstone, causing this whole thing." 

Adora closed her eyes, remembering the First Ones' artifact that had been clutched in Catra's hand and groaned in frustration, trying to ignore the lighting that she could _still_ see in front of her vision. _"Catra,"_ she growled, her grip on Swift Wind growing tighter. 

"What about her?" Bow asked, voice sounding concerned. It was at that time that Swift Wind nearly collapsed; Swift Wind wasn't used to traveling in such harsh weather conditions. _None_ of them were, Adora corrected herself, shivering. 

"I met her in the Crystal Castle," she said as loudly as she could over the incoming storm, the slight stiffening of Glimmer beside her alerting her that Glimmer, at least, had heard her. Bow gasped. "It's the only thing that makes sense—if she found out a way to corrupt the gemstone somehow—" She stopped, her heart sinking. 

Something of her feelings must have shown in her voice because Glimmer tentatively said: "Adora, what aren't you telling us?" in as gentle of a voice as she was capable of. Adora opened her mouth to respond but nothing came out and Adora was left with the expectant silence of her friends, thunder crashing all around her. She was more than a little relieved to see Swift Wind landing on the balcony where the runestone was contained, helping Glimmer down despite her muttered words that she was _fine,_ knowing from her sideways look that she was going to find out what had Adora upset eventually. She ignored Glimmer and made her way towards where a pale-faced Angella was standing, her arms raised as if in prayer, until Adora, with a distant sort of horror, realized she was powering the crystal and the distress beacon herself. Angella dropped her arms as soon as they came near, a relieved smile overtaking her face before she could stop it. Glimmer ran at her and threw her arms around her, Angella hugging her back just as tightly. 

"What happened?" Adora said after they had broken apart, wincing at how her voice sounded more like a demand than she had intended it to be. 

Queen Angella's expression tightened. "The elements are out of harmony." She raised her arms to power the moonstone again, her eyes betraying the effort it took her. Adora and Glimmer exchanged a worried look with each other. "The Moonstone is using all of its power to counteract the growing cloud of darkness.... but it's not enough. It's taking nearly all my strength just to keep my connection with it." They hadn't noticed the cloud of darkness before, with how they were trying their best to make their way towards Bright Moon, but now that they looked… 

"That cloud is coming from the Fright Zone," Adora realized, trying not to feel as if it was her fault yet again for letting Catra go because she didn't know what to make of her _feelings._ Adora was never going to hate her, but this time, she _knew_ she wasn't going to hold back against Catra, that she was going to give everything she had in her. Not that she knew _how_ she was going to defeat the Horde, not this time. 

Bow, taking one look at Adora's dismayed face, asked, none too hopefully: "We _do_ have a plan right, guys? _Please_ tell me we have a plan." 

Adora shook herself out of her stupor, looking at the frozen Whispering Woods for one last time before she faced the expectant gazes of Glimmer, Bow, and Queen Angella, who had powered the moonstone with a strong blast that would hopefully keep the moonstone powered until they came up with a plan, at least. "The Whispering Woods are frozen over," she said, hating how defeated her voice sounded. Then, trying desperately to make some sense of what was happening: "There's no protection from the Horde. We need to prepare for an attack." 

All of them stared at each other for a moment, their faces grim, before Queen Angella collected herself, and said: "We need to go to the council room and prepare a strategy. _Quickly,"_ taking off before any of them could answer. 

Glimmer sighed, making an aborted attempt to teleport before any of them could stop her, all of them wincing when she flinched and glitched with the attempt. Adora scrubbed a hand through her face, almost as if trying to erase a month's worth of memories from her mind. Bow, realizing that the two of them weren't going to take the initiative any time soon, just dragged them towards the council room, cursing along the way. 

Angella was already talking with Spinerella and Netossa when they made their way inside, a conversation that immediately halted when they sat down. Bow, seeing them, couldn't resist the grimace on his face, only Adora's sharp jab to his ribs preventing him from saying anything rash. 

"We saw the distress beacon and came as quickly as we could," Spinerella said sagely, not noticing Bow's expression, or electing to ignore it, Adora wasn't sure. 

In contrast, Netossa took one look at Bow and sighed. "You still don't know what I do, do you?" she said, rolling her eyes. "It's in the _name._ I throw _nets—"_

"Of course you do, my dear," Spinerella said, smiling over at her. "And they are very beautiful." 

"How… amazing," Bow said without much enthusiasm. Adora resisted groaning. They did _not_ have time for this. Seated beside her, Glimmer _actually_ groaned. "At least you _have_ powers," she muttered. "Can we talk about what we're actually going to _do,_ now? The Horde is approaching, and quicky." 

Netossa inclined her head in agreement, the conversation forgotten for now as they concentrated on what was going on; the Horde forces that were getting closer and closer by the minute. 

"We sent out a distress beacon, so more princesses will come and help, right?" Adora asked hopefully, her heart sinking when Angella shook her head, not looking confident. "But that's not _fair—"_

"This isn't about fair, Adora," Queen Angella said, looking wearier than Adora had ever seen except for when Glimmer and Bow had been kidnapped by the Horde. And this, like that time, was _her_ fault too. Not for the first time, Adora wondered if her _being_ here had been the mistake, if she managed it all by herself—but no. She had tried to stop herself from thinking like that after Catra had left her and Light Hope had tried to blatantly manipulate her by using that against her. She _needed_ her friends. "The Princess Alliance has dissolved, and they have their kingdoms to protect." 

"Well, at least we have each other," Glimmer said, her voice trying hard to be positive. "I mean… I don't have any power right now, but I still _can_ fight." 

"Glimmer," Angella said instantly. "It's too dangerous." 

Adora buried her face in her hands as Glimmer and Queen Angella began arguing, standing up with a _screech_ of her chair after she was unable to take the argument any longer. Everyone quieted down in an instant, deathly silent as Adora rushed out of the council room to get some air, her breath panting against her ears, her broken soulbond a physical ache, now more than ever. She made her way to the moonstone chamber before she even noticed where she was going, looking at the distress beacon and cursing her inability to do _anything_ to help until the Horde came to attack them. 

"Adora!" she heard Glimmer's voice calling distantly, Bow's distinctive footsteps following hers. They both came and stood next to her, Glimmer on her left, Bow on her right, their presence reassuring her even though she couldn't bear to look at either of them with her thoughts rushing this far, not _yet._

"Adora." Glimmer said, placing a hand on her arm, not giving her any choice in the matter _except_ to look at her. She was startled to see that she didn't look annoyed at Adora for disturbing their planning, and Bow didn't either; they simply looked curious and more than a little concerned for her. Adora flushed in the face of their looks, knowing her skin was too dark for them to see it, but all too aware of what both of them were going to ask her about next. 

"What really happened in Crystal Castle?" Glimmer's voice was impossibly gentle. 

It was in the face of that voice that Adora blurted out everything that had happened there: how she had gone in to see a hologram that had been unresponsive until she had _let go;_ how Catra had triggered something and they had tried to escape; how it had felt so _easy_ with her, then; how it seemed as if no time had passed at all except for how Catra never broadcasted any thought she was thinking of at Adora; how _Catra_ had thrown her sword back and left, something final in her words, her _emotions,_ and Adora had had no choice but to _let go. '_

Adora was shaking at the end, tears gathering at the corner of her eyes that she hastily wiped away. She was _not_ going to break down in front of them for a second time. She saw Bow and Glimmer exchange a glance before arms wrapped her, solid and comfortable, and _real_ that she couldn't help but sag against, a group hug with Adora sandwiched between the both of them. 

"You know," Glimmer said conversationally into Adora's shoulder, her voice muffled. "Hearing you talk about Catra makes me _really_ hate her." And Bow, who Adora couldn't imagine hating _anyone_ made a noise of agreement. 

Adora was startled into a laugh, even though she couldn't relate, not really. "I don't think I can hate her even if I tried," she said aloud, something she'd been trying to say out loud to Glimmer and Bow for a long time that just slipped through easily. They didn't react except for how Glimmer's grip on her shirt tightened, and Bow just sighed as if he was saying, _well, what else did you expect._ "And besides, I understand where she's coming from." 

"You and Catra have _history,"_ was all Bow said in reply. "It's far easier for both of us to… dislike her, to be fair." 

They pointedly avoided the question of soulmates hanging between them, Glimmer and Bow's best guess as to _why_ Adora could never hate Catra even if she wanted to. 

But _was_ it because they were soulmates? Or was it because she and Catra had spent so much of their childhood together, enough so that Adora felt as if she knew Catra better than she knew _herself,_ sometimes? 

Madame Razz had mentioned that there were countless dimensions, and Adora wondered if there was one where soulmates didn't exist, where people didn't get the crushing sense of defeat and disbelief when their soulmate blocked their bond from them. Adora wondered if she could go to one of those dimensions and check. Check if this was just an _Adora-and-Catra_ thing or a soulmate thing. If she didn't hate Catra because she didn't feel like she had a choice, or if she didn't hate Catra on _purpose,_ trying to see if there was something redeemable in her despite everything she had done and caused. 

Adora let those thoughts simmer for a minute, closing her eyes before she broke out of the hug and smiled at Bow and Glimmer, who looked at her as if she was fragile, concern evident in both their gazes. And Adora wanted to _laugh,_ tell them she was okay, but she knew she wouldn't be kidding anyone but herself. She smiled instead, looking at her friends that she'd only known for a few months but with whom she felt as if she had known them for a lifetime. Something in her smile must have reassured them because their expressions became more determined, both of them smiling back softly. 

At that instant, Adora knew, without a doubt, that if she was with her friends when facing the Horde, anything was possible. She could face _anyone_ with her friends by her side. 

* * *

Adora regretted her cocksure attitude fifteen minutes into the battle, her shield discarded somewhere in the water, Catra's eyes tracking her every moment, looking for weakness she wasn't afraid to exploit. Something had changed between them from the Crystal Castle to now; before, their altercations had been more restrained, as if they were both trying to gauge each other and see if they could get the other to see their point of view. But this time, there was no _trying;_ they were two people on opposing sides with too much _history,_ who knew exactly how to annoy and hurt each other so much that it was not forgettable. 

Adora grunted as she was thrown back, Catra's hit taking her by surprise. She didn't let herself be surprised for much longer, using the momentum of it to swing back and tackle Catra and pin her down to the ground, Catra struggling against the wetness of the surface. Adora couldn't help the way her lips curled into a smile. "Catra, it's _over,"_ she said, pressing her face close to Catra's and intending to drive the point home. "Call the Horde bac—" 

She stopped at the way Catra's lips curved into a smile similar to that of Adora's own; a smile of _victory._ "Oh, Adora," she said, her lips curving around her name, eyes wide and mocking. "Do you really think this is _just_ about you? Look _around,_ Adora." 

Adora, unable to help herself, took the bait and gasped at what she saw. Horde soldiers were swarming Bright Moon, vastly outnumbering the guards that were trying to valiantly defend their castle. Bow was loosening arrow after arrow from his quiver, but even from this point she could see how there were only a few left, and from his set jaw, Bow sensed it too. Glimmer, beside him, was attacking the soldiers with her staff, looking as if she was born to do it, and Adora had never been more proud of her, except— 

She could see the exhaustion written clearly across her face, how she was trying to hold back the glitching that was about to follow just for one moment until she was done. Adora grimaced in sympathy. 

But the most noticeable thing about the entire surrounding wasn't anyone on the ground; it was the gemstone. It was noticeable in its _lack_ of light, how the previously gleaming gemstone had become blackened as if the power was leaking out of it, bit by bit. Queen Angella, in a last-ditch attempt, seemed to be using all her magic to maintain a force field around it, and Adora heaved a sigh of relief as it lit up once again, immediately gasping when she saw a giant spider headed in her direction, Angella with no other defense except her steadily weakening forcefield. 

Adora was distracted enough for her grasp on Catra's arms to weaken. Catra, using her distraction in her favor, pushed Adora back, making her splutter as she was roughly thrown into the water. Before she could get up, a Horde soldier roped an electrical cord around her, another Horde soldier immediately following suit before she could struggle out of it. She screamed in despair as more and more followed, trapping her with no way of escaping, her eyes looking wildly back and forth to look for her shield. Catra, seeing her eyes on her, simply smiled wickedly and said: _"Now,_ it's over." 

Adora fell forward, about to give up, when Spinerella, Netossa, and Bow appeared in a gust of air courtesy of Spinerella, blowing the Horde soldiers away and freeing Adora for the moment. Adora sagged against Bow as the cords were thrown off her, half leaning on Bow as he heaved her up and pressed her shield into her hand.

"Adora…" Bow said, then stopped. "Don't give up yet. Please tell me we can fix this." 

Adora gazed at her shield, not even knowing how to turn it into a sword any longer. She heaved a sigh, using all her concentration to not give up in despair and transform back from She-Ra into Adora. "I-I'm sorry." 

"It's okay." Bow wrapped an arm around her shoulders, all of them looking at the blackened remains of the moonstone and how even Queen Angella couldn't hold up her protection any longer, waiting for the Horde to fire and crush the Rebellion once and for all. They had put up a good fight, and Adora could appreciate that. 

Except, before they could do anything, a wave crashed over them, followed immediately by vines that wrapped around the Horde tanks and soldiers. Adora, with a sudden burst of hope in her chest, realized that the princesses were _here._ They had decided to help the Rebellion after all. 

"Sorry for taking so long, the sea kiiiiinda sucked today," Mermista said in her usual monotone voice; Adora had never been more glad to hear her voice than she was at that moment. Perfuma, too, made the same kind of grand entrance, asking if they were okay and entwining her plants more firmly around the soldiers and their tanks. 

Adora looked down in surprise as the stone in her shield began glowing, apparently reacting to the presence of the princesses around her. She opened her mouth to say just that, coming to a halt as she saw the beam that was shot directly in the way of the unprotected runestone, making the balcony Glimmer and Angella was standing on nearly topple over. Adora and Bow cried out, but then there was ice gathering around the balcony, holding it together and making all of them look at each other in delight as they realized another princess had arrived. 

"Hope I'm not too late!" Frosta called out, grinning. 

"No, you're right on time," Adora said back, giddy with the hope that had crept up on her within those few moments, making her glow from the inside. She looked to where Catra was standing, who glared at her. She decided to ignore Catra for the moment, concentrating and turning her shield back into a sword, caressing the familiar weight of it. 

"For Eternia," she said, raising her sword, even though she was not prepared for the blinding glare of the light that followed and healed the runestone, making the entirety of Bright Moon brighter in the face of it. Adora caught sight of Angella saying something to Glimmer, who nodded and immediately appeared beside Bow, making Adora smile so hard it hurt. "You can use your powers again!" 

"You're sparkling again!" Bow added, glancing at her appreciatively. Glimmer took one look at him and flushed, avoiding his eyes. Adora didn't have any time to think about _that_ for much longer; all of them immediately joined the battle around them, the princesses glowing their respective colors as they fought off the Horde soldiers, united at last. She smiled at them all, too filled to the brim with affection to articulate her thoughts properly. 

Something of those thoughts must have shown, because Perfuma, looking at her face, dragged them all into a hug, and didn't let go for a long time, content to stay in the moment and enjoy a victory that could have turned into a defeat in a matter of seconds. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and so, season one is done. pls tell me what you think about this chapter!! also, I probably won't update as often as i am after this, i do have the rough outline for this but also less time now... but the good news is that most of the next chapters are probably going to be longer, so more content and canon divergence :D 
> 
> as always, pls feel free to leave a comment and follow me on [tumblr!](https://a-sentimental-man.tumblr.com/)


	8. Chapter 7

The first thing Adora wanted to do when the Battle really and truly ended—when the remaining Horde soldiers were driven away, Catra and Scorpia nowhere in sight—was to go to sleep. And looking at Bow and Glimmer's faces, she knew they felt the same way, exhaustion written in every inch of their faces. But they had other things to attend to; Adora was _She-Ra,_ and she wasn't surprised at Queen Angella's relieved look when she decided to forgo sleep and help give the good news of their victory for the villages near Bright Moon, all of whom had probably expected to hear that the Rebellion had been crushed once and for all.

While visiting the villages surrounding the Whispering Woods had been fun when she was _actually_ visiting, Adora found herself becoming considerably more tired every time she went from village to village, saying that Bright Moon was _fine,_ watching their expressions morph from anxiety to relief to gratefulness, all aimed at She-Ra as if any other princesses hadn't helped, too. As if it wasn't Adora's fault in the first place. 

All in all, Adora was _exhausted_ when she returned to Bright Moon on Swift Wind's back, who had been unusually quiet when they were visiting the villages, tired himself. Adora had tried to brush him off and say she could make the way herself, but even she couldn't out-stubborn Swift Wind when he got something in his mind. Adora had agreed grudgingly, knowing that she had no choice and she could use the company since Bow and Glimmer weren't coming with her this time. Bow and Glimmer, too, had been forced to skip their rest to see off the other princesses or offer them a place to stay at Bright Moon, which most of them had refused, though all of them said, quite firmly, that they just need to contact them and they would be there in Bright Moon as soon as they could. 

Now, when Adora came to the entrance of Bright Moon, a guard quietly informed her that Bow and Glimmer, along with Queen Angella, were at the council room, making Adora prepare for the worst and hastily wave goodbye to Swift Wind and make her way towards the council room, barely resisting the urge to run.

What she saw when she entered the room was entirely not what she had expected. Glimmer, Bow, and Angella were talking, but not urgently, a smile on Angella's face as she glanced at the both of them. Glimmer was leaning against Bow's shoulder, looking as if she was going to fall asleep any moment, and Bow didn't look the least bit bothered, with his arm around her waist as if it was second nature to him. _Knowing him, it probably is,_ Adora thought fondly.

They all looked up when she entered, eyes sharpening for a moment before relaxing when they realized it was just her. "Adora," Queen Angella said, a gentle smile on her face. "I was just telling Glimmer and Bow how proud I am of the three of you." 

Adora startled and blushed as the words sank in, caught entirely off guard. "Of course Glimmer and Bow deserve the praise," she finally managed, looking anywhere else but at Angella's kind smile which she didn't deserve. The others, knowing what Adora was going to say next, looked as if they were about to protest, opening their mouths before closing them at Adora's beseeching look. "I mean— _none_ of this would have happened if it wasn't for me." 

"Adora," Queen Angella said, sounding taken aback, and more than a little bit as if she was wondering what Adora was talking about. "I mean, yes, you being here would have expedited the process of the Horde coming here somewhat—" 

_"Mom,"_ Glimmer hissed, wrenching herself away from Bow's grasp to glare at her. 

"But that does _not_ mean this is your fault," Angella continued, ignoring Glimmer's furious words. "The Rebellion is exactly that—a _Rebellion._ We are here to fight the Horde, in any way that we can." 

Adora sighed and ran a hand through her hair that was out of its ponytail, for once. She winced as she came into contact with a tangle of knots, feeling grimy now more than ever. "It's just…" Adora said, taking a seat and trying to gather her thoughts, not knowing how to explain it in a way that would make sense to Glimmer's mother. The words, which had come so readily to her not even a day ago when talking to Glimmer and Bow, seemed to have left her. "Even Princess Prom, when you think about it, that's where it all started, is my fault—"

"Adora, we _told you,_ you shouldn't blame yourself because it's _all our faults,_ I wasn't watching Scorpia like you wanted me to do, and—" 

"Well Catra's my _soulmate,_ I _should have realized_ what she was going to do!" Adora said, forgetting Angella was in the room with them for a moment. An uncomfortable silence followed as they all realized what she had blurted out, Adora resisting the urge to hide her face in her hands, not daring to make eye contact with Queen Angella once again. Bow, when she caught his eye, gave what seemed to be an encouraging thumbs-up, which Adora sarcastically returned, something she'd picked up from Catra after she'd done that more than once.

Angella was quiet for a long time, long enough for Adora to start fidgeting nervously; long enough for even Glimmer to open her eyes and smile encouragingly at her. At long last, Angella looked at her and exhaled a laugh, and Adora was so surprised that she couldn't do anything except gape at her in disbelief. Glimmer and Bow looked nothing short of dumbfounded. "That explains a lot, you know," Angella said, voice sounding far away. "The way you two looked at each other sometimes, as if you two were having a conversation of your own…" 

Something about the way Angella said it, her voice laced with meaning, made Adora flush harder than ever, making Angella stop and something like realization flit through her face. Adora was too busy picking at the thread of her shirt and trying not to die of embarrassment to notice the way Glimmer and Angella exchanged a look, causing Glimmer to shake her head slightly. "Well," Adora said finally, her eyes still concentrated firmly on her shirt, once she was sure her voice wouldn't start shaking. "We've been friends ever since we were kids, and in the Fright Zone, we only had each other, and really only _connected_ with each other even though there were Lonnie and Rogelio and Kyle—" 

"You don't have to explain yourself, Adora," Angella said, cutting off Adora's rambling, sounding amused. Adora took a deep breath, her cheeks still red. 

"So you don't… mind?" Adora asked in disbelief, finally looking up into Queen Angella's kind eyes. Angela smiled gently, and Adora couldn't help but hesitantly return that smile. 

"No, Adora, I really don't." Then, her tone becoming more sarcastic: "Because it's _completely_ rational to blame someone for having a soulmate that was determined by magic we _still_ don't know the workings of." 

Bow smothered a laugh behind his hand, Glimmer laughing outright. Adora glared at the both of them, though she couldn't help but feel relieved at how Queen Angela didn't seem disgusted or displeased. She knew, logically, that Angella wasn't someone like Shadow Weaver, who made false promises that she never followed through, always making Adora braced for her disappointment. Adora knew that the Fright Zone hadn't been _great,_ but Catra had made in better. Had made it a _lot_ better, actually. 

Though she couldn't help but feel the lingering feeling of guilt at how she had left Catra behind, even though _Catra_ had left her behind too, knowing the promise Adora had made when they were thirteen and thought that as long as they had each other, they were invincible. _Remember that promise you made me when we were thirteen, Adora?_ Catra had asked, and how could Adora have not, with how she thought about it every day? Suddenly, Adora felt more tired than ever, intent on getting some sleep and putting these couple of days behind her, where Catra's betrayal felt ashy on her tongue, still too soon to get used to. She wondered, distantly, if this was what Catra had felt when Adora had left her behind to the mercy of Shadow Weaver. 

Queen Angella seemed to have seen some of the thoughts on her face, because she stood up and clapped her hands briskly, smiling at them all. "You three should get some sleep," she said, raising her hand when Glimmer looked as if she was about to protest, no doubt thinking that as a princess, she had more work to do. "All of you have helped Bright Moon in an invaluable way, and you can _continue_ helping the Rebellion after you've had some rest." She gave a pointed look towards Glimmer, who, after she had raised her head, had brought it back down into Bow's shoulder again, exhaustion winning over her protests. "And you are in _no_ condition to help, at the moment." 

"Fine," Glimmer grumbled, pushing back from her chair and nearly falling backward. Flushing, she said: "This doesn't _mean_ anything." 

"Of course it doesn't," Angella said, voice as dry as the desert. Bow, too, had gotten up after Glimmer, and his laughter was interrupted by the massive yawn that he tried to hide behind his hand. Queen Angella rolled her eyes at them fondly. Adora was surprised at how much she liked that fond smile, indulgent as if she never expected anything more from them. She hadn't realized how much she was missing at a true _family_ until she had come to Bright Moon. She just wished _Catra—_

_Why_ did her thoughts keep coming back to Catra, every time? Adora wondered as they all made their way towards Glimmer's room in unspoken agreement. She didn't feel the same way about Catra that she felt about Bow and Glimmer—she didn't feel about _anyone_ the way she felt about Catra—as if their connection was a live wire that only they could control; as if she wanted to hold on to their connection and never let it go. 

But she _had._ They _both_ had. 

"Adora?" Glimmer asked sleepily from the doorway to her room. Beyond, she could see three cots laid out, her friends still considerate about how she didn't want to sleep alone after how she had gotten used to sleeping with the others at the Horde. She had gotten used to sleeping alone, but somehow, today was different, and she _felt_ different, like an open wound that was about to get infected at any moment until someone was considerate enough to bandage it for her. "You coming?" 

Adora, with a start, realized that she had been standing in the hallway, lost in her thoughts, for a long time, and with the expectant look in Glimmer's face, this was not the first time that she had called out her name. Smiling sheepishly, she said: "Yes I'm coming, just give me a second, okay?" 

Glimmer shrugged and went inside without any follow-up questions, the door clanging shut behind her. Adora looked at it for one, thoughtful moment, not knowing how to get her thoughts in order. She felt _different,_ somehow than what she had been when she last entered Glimmer's room, though she didn't really know what had changed within her. Her thoughts were still the same—a terrifying mixture of Catra and the Rebellion and She-Ra and soulmates, but— 

Something had _hardened_ within her, she decided finally, opening the door to Bow and Glimmer's expectant grins, both who looked as if they had been waiting for her to walk in. Their faith in her was boundless, and sometimes she wondered if she deserved it, in moments where she still felt like the Adora who had _just_ escaped the Horde, who had her soulbond severed by Catra and hadn't known what to do except the only thing she knew how to do, wishing Catra was there with her and not knowing the people around her except for how she knew they weren't the _Horde,_ at least. 

Bow and Glimmer's expressions, which had been cheerful just moments ago, were fading with every moment that Adora took too long to respond, their faces edging into concern. Adora managed a small smile and was surprised to find how readily it fit her face, feeling genuine and not forced for what seemed like the first time after the battle where it all had nearly gone wrong. 

She stepped inside and smiled. 

* * *

Adora woke up early in the morning, the sunlight coming in through Glimmer's high windows and making her smile. She wasn't usually a morning person—neither she nor Catra had been—but it was difficult to feel anything other than joy at a new day, especially with Glimmer and Bow's warm bodies pressed up next to her on either side, assuring her that she wasn't alone. 

She stood up, careful not to disturb the others, and walked towards the windows, filled with the sudden urge to look out into the Whispering Woods, to make sure that what they had accomplished was real. 

What she saw when she went to the windows made her pause. 

The Whispering Woods—and she had no other word to describe what was happening—looked as if it was _repairing_ itself, vines and trees growing slowly yet surely where there had been empty ground just hours ago. Adora wasn't sure if it was enough to withstand a full-on Horde attack if they were really determined, but it tugged at her heartstrings just the same, at how magic repaired some things she was _sure_ she had lost. 

That they _all_ had thought they had lost, Adora reminded herself, glancing back at Glimmer and Bow, still sound asleep. Then, getting an idea, an idea that had been in the back of her mind ever since she had met Light Hope, she rushed quickly to her bathroom on her tiptoes—which was more of a trial than it sounded because she _really_ tried to be quiet—quickly brushed her teeth, showered, and changed into something more comfortable than the clothes she had battled in, sticky with her sweat and exhaustion. And, finally feeling as if she could handle anything that came her way—anything _mild_ that came her way this early in the morning, anyway—she scribbled a quick note to Glimmer and Bow and left the castle, determined to get her answers about who Mara was sooner rather than later.

She had _expected_ the Whispering Woods to be ravaged when she stepped in, knowing that Glimmer's windows didn't overlook the parts which had taken the most damage—and how could it not be damaged, with the way it had been frozen over; when the Horde had brought their tanks and soldiers with no care for what harm they were doing to the Whispering Woods along the way?

She realized, with a pang as she was going through the woods, that although she had seen the forest repair itself, she had only seen a _little_ bit of it repairing itself, the damage done sometimes too serious for the forest to repair itself quickly enough. She could see the way some big tree branches looked close to falling due to the damage they had undergone, the magic too slow for the tree to repair itself before it fell to the ground. She made her way through weeds and roots, uncomfortably aware of the damage around her with every step she took, looking for any sign of Madame Razz's cottage she could find. 

"Madame Razz?" she called finally, realizing she couldn't find her through wading through the woods in a vague direction of where she felt Madame Razz was. She ignored how the woods seemed to echo the words back to her, the foliage looking more gloomy than it had before the attack—or maybe it was just Adora imagining things. She kept a hand on the sword that was strapped to her back just in case. 

"Madame Razz?" she tried again, taking another step forward and hoping that she was closer than she had been the last hour she had walked around doing the same thing. She jumped as she heard the sharp _crack_ of a tree branch being crushed behind her, wheeling around to come face to face—or _chest_ to face, as the case was—with the very same woman she was looking for. Madame Razz didn't say anything except to gaze at her steadily, her gaze far away, yet expectant. "Madame Razz?" 

"Yes, Mara dearie?" Madame Razz asked, her eyes still unfocused as if looking for something that only she could see. 

"See, that's what I wanted to talk to you about," Adora said, hoping her words didn't sound rushed, hoping they would make as much sense as they sounded in her head. "I'm _not_ Mara, but you keep calling m—" 

"Of course you're not Mara. You're Adora," Razz said, tilting her head sideways as if she was puzzled and didn't understand what Adora was trying to say. 

_"Yes,"_ Adora said, glad that she finally _got_ it, even though she seemed to have known it all along. Trying to ignore her irritation at _that,_ she continued: "So if you could explain _who_ exactly Mara is to me—" 

"You're the first She-Ra of Etheria." Madame Razz fiddled with the basket she was holding, her voice still distant. "I thought the First Ones all told you exactly what your purpose is, dearie, but—" 

"No that's _Mara,"_ Adora snapped, frustrated. She was even more discouraged when Madame Razz just turned back and asked if she wanted to pluck berries with her, apparently _still_ thinking she was Mara when she had known Adora _wasn't_ moments ago. She _really_ hoped this time picking berries would be better off for all of them than it had been the last time. 

Razz was humming as she made her way through the forest, not even noticing the damage done to it. _She_ lives _here and had probably gotten used to it,_ Adora thought gloomily. 

"Hurry up, Mara," Razz said, practically skipping on her way. "It was about time you remembered an old lady like me and your promises." 

Adora made a frustrated noise at the back of her throat, frustrated enough that Razz even turned around to look back at her, her eyes keen and focused for once. "I'm. Not. Mara," Adora said, punctuating each word with a pause. 

Madame Razz didn't react except to look at her evenly, until her eyes _changed_ somehow, replaced with grief that was decades, _centuries,_ old as if she was confronting reality for the first time. "No," she replied, and something in her voice made Adora feel guilty, years of sadness concentrated into one word. "You're not."

"I—I'm glad you realized that." Adora wet her lips. "I just want to know who exactly she was, and if she was as _disturbed_ as Light Hope made her out to be—" 

"Mara was a _darling,"_ Madame Razz whispered, sounding like she was digging up thousands of memories to choose from, every word she said sounding fond. "When she realized what Etheria's purpose was all along—" 

"Etheria has a _purpose?"_

_"Everything_ has a purpose, my dear," Madame Razz said, sounding more like her old self, now. Adora was relieved. "But Etheria's purpose, at least to the First Ones, was more self-centered than for most." 

Adora felt her heart pounding in her throat, elated at _finally_ getting the answers that she had looked for. "What do you mean?" she asked, her voice breathless. 

Madame Razz didn't look as if she was going to give her the answers she wanted anytime soon—she looked as if she was far away, the grip on her basket making her fingers turn white, the only indication that she was about to continue their conversation at all. "Mara tried to fight it—dragged Etheria to Despondos to prevent it from being, well…" But Razz shook her head, smiling that wide smile that Adora had seen many times before, a smile that said she wasn't going to say anything else, at least for now. "But that's a story for another time, Adora. There's more to do before Etheria can be saved, yet. Want to pluck some berries with me?" Adora didn't need to hear Razz calling her _Mara_ to know that that was who Razz was really talking to. 

Adora groaned but followed after her, her head too full of questions about what Madame Razz could have meant to think about anything else. She knew she wasn't going to get anything else out of Razz anytime _soon._

But, her gut feeling had been right. There was more to Light Hope, and by extension, the _First Ones,_ than she had ever imagined. Though it meant that she still had a dilemma—was she going to go through Light Hope's training, or not?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> did everyone see how this is a series now? yeah? yeah.

**Author's Note:**

> comments and kudos are always appreciated! and please tell me what you think about this chapter! this is the first multi-chapter she-ra fic i'm writing, and i am _pretty_ excited about this  
> follow me on [tumblr!](https://a-sentimental-man.tumblr.com/)


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